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goodrTIMES

FLAMINGOS LITERALLY WIN MAJORS, PROVING THE WORD BOGEY IS STUPID

Everyone knows that “bogey” is a stupid word and if you use it, you’re stupid too. Literally nothing good starts with the letters b-o-g. For example, bog: “wet muddy ground too soft to support a heavy body.” Disgusting. Bogus: “not genuine or true; fake.” Nobody likes that. Bogeyman: “an imaginary evil spirit or being used to frighten children.” Reprehensible. If you use the word bogey, you support traumatizing children.

For those reasons, and so many more, goodr launched a campaign to change the term “bogey” to “flamingo.” It complements eagle and birdie, plus it just sounds better. Try it. Flamingo, light of my life, fire of my loins. My sin, my soul. Fla-min-go: the tip of the tongue taking a trip of three steps down the palate to tap, at three, on the teeth. Fla. Min. Go. He was Carl, plain Carl in the morning...but in my arms he was always flamingo.

Of course, this campaign hasn’t been easy. People resist change. We try to persuade them with logic that bogeys are flamingos and flamingos are good but it doesn’t work. They fear the unknown. They’re emotionally connected to the old way of doing things. They worry they won’t make the transition, that they’ll blurt “bogey” instead of “flamingo” on the course and everyone will laugh at them. Thus, the repulsive word “bogey” persists.

However, last May we received great news. In the final round of the 2019 PGA Championship, Brooks Koepka carded four consecutive flamingos (bogeys) on the back 9. The crowd even chanted “DJ! DJ! DJ!” to support rival Dustin Johnson. Koepka didn't let that stop him! His 4 over 74 final round was enough to win the championship. The biased media claims he “overcame” flamingos (bogeys) to win. No. He won because of them.

“I got stuck on the [flamingo] train,” Koepka told Golfweek. “The hour I spent from 11 to 14, it was interesting. They started chanting DJ and it sort of helped me. It made me refocus and I hit a good one on 15.” With all respect, Koepka, your vocab is subpar. See, you didn’t “get stuck” on the flamingo train. You got blessed by the flamingo train, which can fly like the train in Back to the Future III and carried you to victory. BE THANKFUL.

Flamingos win majors. Literally. Let us never speak of bogeys again.

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READING FOR PEOPLE WHO LIKE GOLF

It’s Not A Bogey, It’s A Flamingo

Be a Flamingo Golfer and celebrate every shot over par with a flamingo instead. Whether it’s double, triple, or flamingo...