The BEAST Mile
BEASTS OF THE WORLD UNITE
We love a world where getting caked with mud is expected and crawling under barbed wire won’t get you arrested, so…we hosted our own goodr G.A.M.S. obstacle course! Mix magic unicorn dust, a shot of fireball, two cinnamon roll pop tarts, lots of lube and a dash of teal. Ready to rock? Scope our rules below.
BEAST MILE STATUTES:
1. The party of the first part shall then run through four loops of the course, which such course shall be composed of eleven (11) obstacles.
2. Before starting the second (2nd), third (3rd), and fourth (4th) loop of the course, the party of the first part shall consume additional one-and-one-half ounce shots of Fireball Cinnamon Whisky Liqueur.
3. At the conclusion of the fourth (4th) loop of the course, the party of the first part shall toast a PopTart in the designated toaster provided to the party of the first part, spread grass fed butter on the toasted PopTart, and eat the toasted, buttered PopTart.
4. The party of the first part shall then complete the race by kissing the ring of the Queen of Pain, Esq, also referred to herein and here-out, as Amelia Boone.
5. Shots must be consumed before the lap is begun, within the transition area, which is the length of 55 legal sized paper contracts.
6. All competitors must wear attire appropriate for a courtroom drama.
7. Competitors who vomit before they finish the race must complete one penalty lap at the end of the race (immediately after the completion of their 4th lap). Note: Vomiting more than once during the race still requires only one penalty lap at the end.
THE SUNNIES THAT STARTED IT ALL
THE STORY BEHIND THE SHADES