Toasted Marshmallow Magic Origin Story
It was past midnight on Friday night. Carl the Flamingo was stranded at home thanks to car trouble. He was nestled into his hideous bachelor recliner, mindlessly stuffing his face with peeled shrimp and watching a new infomercial on the basement TV.
[INTRO: Upbeat, energetic music playing]
(Voiceover): Are you tired of dealing with broken items and messy repairs that don’t work? Say goodbye to frustration and hello to the ultimate solution! Introducing Toasted Marshmallow Magic, the revolutionary product that fixes EVERYTHING!
[Cut to: A person looking frustrated with a broken vase]
(Voiceover): Whether it's your wife’s favorite vase, a cracked family heirloom, or a leaky pipe, Toasted Marshmallow Magic will save the day!
[Cut to: Close-up of Toasted Marshmallow Magic being applied to the broken vase]
(Voiceover): With its powerful natural caramelized sugar formula, Toasted Marshmallow Magic bonds to almost ANY surface—plastic, wood, glass, metal, ceramic, and more! Just apply a small amount and watch the magic happen!
[Cut to: The fixed vase being filled with water and tulips and then being used normally]
(Voiceover): It dries in just minutes, creating a long-lasting bond that you can count on for years to come!
[Cut to: A person repairing a leaky pipe under the sink, holding their nose, making a “PEE-EWW” stink face]
(Voiceover): Tough sewage leaks are NO problem for Toasted Marshmallow Magic. This revolutionary product creates a water-tight seal, saving you from costly repairs! Your pipes will stay dry and fresh, smelling like NEW!
[Cut to: The Toasted Marshmallow Magic product on a table with a phone number and website address on screen]
(Voiceover): Order now and get a special offer! For a limited time, buy one Toasted Marshmallow Magic and get a second one absolutely free! That’s right—you get TWO full-sized products for the price of one! Don’t wait! Call the number on your screen or visit our website to get your Toasted Marshmallow Magic TODAY.
“I’ve seen all I need to SEE!” Carl yelled enthusiastically at the TV. He frantically dialed the number on the screen and ordered two whole cases.
A few days later, when they arrived, Carl slathered several containers of the sticky, gooey beige gloop under the hood of his expensive Italian sports car to see if he could get it working. The infomercial DID say it could fix practically anything, right?! For good measure, he also filled the gas tank with it. When he went to start the car–
*KABOOM* It burst into flames, sending shards of metal and glass soaring into the air like deadly confetti, along with Carl, who landed ass-up in his neighbor’s flower bed. The air was thick with the smell of campfire s’mores.
*beep* *beep* *beep*
Carl awoke to the sound of the heart monitor beeping next to his hospital bed. He smelled of burnt feathers and toasted sugar. He was in a full-body cast and couldn’t move. It was going to be a while before he could do anything. So, he did as Carl does and created a pair of sunglasses based on his situation.
Meet Toasted Marshmallow Magic, beige OG sunnies with orange-gold gradient ocean lenses. (Toasted Marshmallow Magic is currently suing us for copyright infringement.)
