Making fun of the Boston accent is NOT wicked pissah. If you’re planning on it, bang a uey. Yah not welcome in The Hub, and don’t you da-ah call it Beantown, chowdahhead! Oah yah not comin’ to my rippahs! I don’t ca-ah if you bringin’ a suppah of Dunkies and badadoes - throw it in the bahhel! Yahh not wanted in my pahlah, where I hahbah a bah with liquah and pohtah! I abhoah being so fahwahd but I’m fah ohdah! I’M FAH OHDAH!!!!
That’s right, your favorite drunk kleptomaniac pansexual sunglasses mogul flamingo is in Boston. Unfortunately, the 2021 Boston 26.2 running race is delayed to Monday, October 11, due to you-know-what (will this gahbidge ever end?!?!), but that’s not stopping us from releasing our Boston Postcard Edition sunglasses on time. Changing the release date is wayyy too much work. Much easier to slap “Postcard Edition” on the name. And more profitable!
Boston is my favorite city in the world, and I don’t just say that about every city. There’s so much to do: See a Red Sox game at Fenway Park (if they lose, get shitfaced, and if they win, get even more shitfaced); go on a tour of Boston Common/Freedom Trail to see sites from American human history (in school, I only learned American flamingo history).
And of course, there’s drinks, food, and even more drinks: Sam Adams Brewery, “Chubby’s Original” fried clam plate at Woodman’s, lobster rolls at Row 34, Trillium Brewing Company, Kelly’s Roast Beef, Dorchester Brewing Co., the T-Rex Bagel Sandwich at Bagelsaurus, EVERYTHING at Dunkies, Baked Alaska at Oleana - ahhhhaddhoefhawouh.
Whoops, got a bit overwhelmed there. I was going to tell you more about my adventures in Boston but now all I can think about is food and drinks, so I’mma go PUT IT ALL IN MY BELLY. Blah blah blah, our Boston Running Race: Postcard Edition shades celebrate The Hub. Love you, Boston! (And if you miss reading my amazing Pulitzer Prize-deserving writing, check out my Tokyo and Los Angeles writeups.)
Your favorite Masshole,
Carl the Flamingo
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