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ORIGIN STORIES
- TROPICAL OPTICALS
- THE DRINKS
- THE PATTERNS
- COSMIC CRYSTALS
- THE MOON
- THE SUN
- VRGs
- THE FUTURE IS VOID
- NAEON FLUX CAPACITOR
- VOIGHT-KAMPFF VISION
- SEE YOU AT THE PARTY, RICHTER
- MACH Gs
- CLUBHOUSE CLOSEOUT
- TALES FROM THE GREENSKEEPER
- AMELIA EARHART GHOSTED ME
- BUZZED ON THE TOWER
- CAPTAIN BLUNT'S RED-EYE
- FREQUENT SKYMALL SHOPPERS
- KITTY HAWKERS' RAY BLOCKERS
- OPERATION: BLACKOUT
- OGs
- A GINGER'S SOUL
- RACE DU JOUR
- THE GANG'S ALL QUEER
- SCREW THE METRIC SYSTEM
- THE EH TEAM
- DON'T FLOCK WITH A FLAMINGO
- LONDON 2021
- L.A. 2021
- TOKYO 2021
- BOSTON 2021
- BIG LEPRECHAUN ENERGY
- IS MERCURY IN RETROGRADE?? AGAIN?
- CARL'S GOT A CANDY HEART ON
- SUNNIES WITH A CHANCE OF SPRINKLES
- THE PASSION OF THE CRUST
- IT'S TUESDAY SOMEWHERE
- GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLE GOGGLES
- WE HAD LIGHTS FIRST
- NAKATOMI TOWER CHRISTMAS PARTY
- WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA
- PROFESSIONAL RESPAWNER
- SIDE SCROLL EYE ROLL
- MODERN DAY SNAKE OIL
- BLUE SHADES OF DEATH
- ELECTRIC DINOTOPIA CARNIVAL
- SILVERBACK SQUAT MOBILITY
- THE EMPIRE DID NOTHING WRONG
- 50 SHADES OF GRAVY
- PUMPKIN SPICE NIGHTMARE
- CHICAGO VS. NYC RAP BATTLE
- PARTY LIKE A FLOCKSTAR
- THESE SHADES ARE TRASH
- PBR EYE CANDY
- PABST O’CLOCK
- PIBBER-MOUFLAGE
- SUCK IT, KING GEORGE
- SORRY, NOT SORRY (BUT ACTUALLY SORRY)
- FLAMINGOS WIN MAJORS
- STAY PAWSITIVE
- LGBTQ+AF
- CAN I TIKI YOUR FANCY?
- DOWN TO FIESTA
- SANTA ISN'T REAL
- LONDON 2020
- NEW YORK 2021
- BOSTON 2020
- GOBBLE GOBBLE GOBBLES GOGGLES
- DON'T SNAKE MY WAVE BRO
- I'M NOT YOUR BRO BRAH
- DON'T TAB SHAME ME
- RADIOACTIVE SPECTRAL SPECTACLES
- SELLS HOUSE, BUYS VAN
- LOST IN TRANSITION
- BFGs
- HOOKED ON ONYX
- IT'S NOT JUST A GAME
- CITRON+ALT+DELETE
- MINT JULEP ELECTROSHOCKS
- DO YOU EVEN PISTOL, FLAMINGO?
- RUNWAYS
- MARY QUEEN OF GOLF
- RAGE QUIT IT AND HIT IT
- FRESHLY PICKED CERULEAN
- GINGHAM IS SOOO LAST SEASON
- HAUTE DAY IN HELL
- VEGAN FRIENDLY COUTURE
- CHIPS AND SIPS
- FAST AS SHELL
- CIRCLE Gs
- FADE-ER-ADE SHADES
- I'M WEARING BURGUNDY
- IT'S NOT BLACK, IT'S OBSIDIAN
- INSERT COIN TO CONTINUE
- FRESHLY BAKED MAN BUNS
- INFLUENCERS PAY DOUBLE
- I PICKLED THESE MYSELF
- MIDNIGHT RAMBLE AT THE CIRCLE BAR
- NINE DOLLAR POUR OVER
- STRANGE THINGS ARE AFOOT AT THE CIRCLE G
- STOP, DROP AND SCROLL
- BODHI'S ULTIMATE WAVE
- SUPER FLYS
- DIRK'S INFLATION STATION
- WORKIN' IT FROM HOME
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SPORTS
- IN THE WILD
- RUNNING [WITH A DONKEY] IS FUN?
- YOUR BEST RUNNING FRIEND
- THIS IS A GAMER
- FASTEST KNOWN TIME OR FUNNEST KNOWN TIME
- LIVING MY BEST LIFE BEING A MOM FIRST
- WHAT WE TALK ABOUT WHEN NOT TALKING ABOUT RUNNING
- ANIMAL CROSSING ISLAND
- WHAT THE HELL IS A BEAST?
- OFFICIAL SUNGLASSES OF THE OCR WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS
- SATURDAY MORNING IN THE GRAND CANYON
- A BLIND BEAST KNOWS NO BOUNDARIES
- RUNNING THE BARKLEY IS FUN?
- BIG CAT BADASS
- BUT FIRST HAPPINESS
- LOS PADRES TRAVERSE FKT
- JAVELINA JUNDRED RACE RECAP
- OFFICIAL SUNGLASS PARTNER OF USA WEIGHTLIFTING
- WE'RE AN AVATAR
- GOODR UP YOUR GAME WITH ANIMAL CROSSING PATTERNS
- ON THE FENCE ABOUT SPIN CLASS!?
- PEDICABS IN NYC
- FLAMBOYANCE
- GOODR STAFF DEBUNK THE GAMER STIGMA
- CLG & FRENDZ DEBUNK THE GAMER STIGMA
- THE FLAMBOYANCE DEBUNKS THE GAMER STIGMA
- A GOODR WEDDING
- A CHAT WITH ALEXI PAPPAS
- RACE RECAPS
- IT'S OKAY TO HATE VIRTUAL RACES
- CARL'S TOUR DE FRANCE RECAP 2020
- SPEED PROJECT 2019
- TIPS & TRICKS
- RUNNING WHILE HIGH
- IT'S NOT A BOGEY, IT'S A FLAMINGO
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SHENANIGANS
- IN THE PRESS
- A TALE OF THE GOODR CABANA
- GOODR x REEBOK
- PARTNERING WITH BIGGEST ESPORTS ARENA IN NORTH AMERICA!
- SEASON 03 OF CULTURE GOODR IS OUT
- YOU HAD ME AT DUNKIN'
- TROPICAL OPTICALS
- THE ROLLING STONES X COSMIC CRYSTALS
- COSMIC CRYSTALS
- GOODR REWIND
- THE ROLLING STONES ALBUM SERIES
- CARL'S ANTI-RESOLUTIONS 2021
- THE FUTURE IS VRG
- ROLLING STONES HOT LIPS
- INTRODUCING GAME GOODR
- GAME GOODR PARTNERS WITH CLG
- WONDER WOMAN SEQUEL
- NEW CATEYE SUNGLASSES
- POW! BAM! BATMAN SUNGLASSES!
- GOODR PARTNERS WITH PABST BLUE RIBBON
- WONDER WOMAN 1984 SUNGLASSES
- GOODR RELEASES AVIATORS
- RUNNER'S WORLD GEAR OF THE YEAR
- CARL'S INNER CIRCLE
- goodr GIVES BACK
- GOODR x DENVER ZOO
- JUST FLOCKING VOTE
- BLACK LIVES MATTER
- GOODR x 1% FOR THE PLANET RECYCLED SUNGLASSES
- BRAVE LIKE GABE
- SOCAL SPECIAL OLYMPICS COLLAB
- SUNGLASSES ON THE FRONTLINE
- 100% CARBON NEUTRAL
- BREAKING SILENCE 2019
- BREAKING SILENCE 2020
- BREAKING SILENCE 2021
- FUN
- GIFT GUIDE
- SOLVE FOR $6.66 OFF!
- BEHIND THE DREAMS: THE CIRCLING
- CARL AND HIS IDIOT COUSIN TEDDY
- DUST OFF YOUR LIBRARY CARD
- WHO IS CRAZY EDDY?
- DEEP DIVE
- ARE BLUE BLOCKERS A BLUE MIRAGE?
- THE BEST RUNNING SUNGLASSES GUIDE ON THE ENTIRE INTERNET
- WHY YOU NEED ORANGE SUNGLASSES
- COMPANY CULTURE WHILE WORKING REMOTELY
- GET TRENDY WITH OUR NEW HIPSTER SUNGLASSES
- THE BEST WOMEN’S SUNGLASSES
- BEST GOLF SUNGLASSES
- BEST SUNGLASSES FOR MEN
- NEON SUNGLASSES
- THE BEST PINK SUNGLASSES
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CULTURE
- CULTURE GOODR PODCAST
- S01E01
- S01E02
- BLACKOUT TUESDAY
- S01E03
- S01E04
- S01E05
- S02E01
- S02E02
- S02E03
- S02E04
- S02E05
- S02E06
- S02E07
- S02E08
- S02E09
- S02E10
- BONUS EPISODE 01
- BONUS EPISODE 02
- BONUS EPISODE 03
- BONUS EPISODE 04
- BONUS EPISODE 05
- REMIX SERIES 01
- REMIX SERIES 02
- REMIX SERIES 03
- REMIX SERIES 04
- REMIX SERIES 05
- REMIX SERIES 06
- REMIX SERIES 07
- S03E01
- S03E02
- S03E03
- S03E04
- S03E05
- S03E06
- S03E07
- S03E08
- S03E09
- S03E10
- S03E11
- S03E12
- S03E13
- S03E14
- S03E15
- S03E16
- S03E17
- S03E18
- S03E19
ANTARCTICA ORIGIN STORY
A Story About Antarctica Sunglasses
Dear living thirst traps,
I’m writing to you from Antarctica, my favorite continent in the world, and I don’t just say that about any continent. Let’s finish this message as soon as possible because it’s cold as f*ck. I WOULD say it’s cold enough to freeze your d*ck off, but I don’t have a d*ck. Don’t believe me? Look it up. Male flamingos, like many male birds, don’t have penises. We have cloaca, like female birds. It’s true. And it’s cold enough to freeze your f***ing cloaca off.
I’m here to promote our sunglasses for the annual Antarctica 26.2 Mile Running Race. No, that’s not a joke. This is the 16th year. The registration fee is $17,900. Competitors take a private jet from Punta Arenas, Chile to Union Glacier, Antarctica (the interior). The altitude is 700 meters. The windchill temperature is -20C. There will be snowmobile support and medical aid stations. There will not be crowds, because this is a frozen hellscape. If you die, you get a medal that says “Dying is fun?”
Speaking of death, I want to kill a nasty rumor. You might have heard the gossip that I’ve been stuck in Antarctica for the entire year, because goodr employees were pissed off at me for pulling terrible Valentine's Day pranks and paid off my pilot to strand me here, meaning I just PRETENDED to go to Tokyo, Los Angeles, Boston, London, Berlin, Chicago and New York Ridiculous. Just ridiculous. Don’t believe it!!!
What the hell would I even do in Antarctica for a year? Kayak with whales, climb Mt. Vinson, hang with emperor penguins, witness Blood Falls, scuba dive, visit a scientific research station, explore the active volcano at Deception Island, send a postcard from Port Lockroy, and drink vodka at the southernmost bar in the world, Vernadsky Research Base? Yeah, right. Whatever you say.
I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE.
Carl
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