Shopping Bag
It was a cold and lonely night in 2019, which is weird because we’re in sunny Los Angeles and have tons of friends. Our social media team at the time—a wondrous, wandering wizardess and goodr co-founder Keri Blunt—created a post...
“I was enjoying a drink at the clubhouse’s outdoor bar after one of my many, MANY ‘A Games’ when an attractive dishwater blonde walked up to the bar…“‘Ooh, what’s that you’re drinking?’ the blonde purred, a sultry gleam in their...
The Myrddin Emrys Memorial Resort & Spa for Practitioners of Sorcery and the Magically Inclined (or simply “The Myr” for those in the know) is located exactly where one would not expect it to be, which makes it makes...
You know that week-long event they throw in the desert that rhymes with ‘Turning Fan’? goodr CEO Carl the Flamingo went last year and got an idea.“Let’s rip it off!!!” Carl squawked to goodr leadership. “We’re missing out on a...
Carl the Flamingo’s on-again-off-again-but-mostly-off-again fiancé, Turlana Quackenbush, was thrilled when she got an invite from Sasquatch to go gold-digging. Perpetual bachelor Carl had been giving her the cold shoulder for weeks. She was determined to show that commitment phobe who’s...
During our recent spring cleaning at The goodr Lagoon, we were tasked with cleaning out our lockers. Instead of cooperating and doing it, Carl the Flamingo stole the case of beer we were saving for our post-cleaning festivities, hid in...
On a recent visit to the dog park, Bosley the Basset Hound’s ghost whispered into Carl the Flamingo’s ear, “I dare you to drink that reclaimed water they’re using to water the lawn…” Not wanting Bosley’s ghost to think he...
LOCALS COMMEMORATE FIRST PURPORTED SIGHTING OF LOCH NESS “MONSTER” WITH ANNIVERSARY ORGY BY WILLIAM WALLACE Los Angeles - SHE had first appeared centuries ago, in Scotland’s Loch Ness, with only a handful of recorded sightings. At first, the fables and...
TEENAGERS FURIOUS NO MARIJUANA ON CAPTAIN BLUNT’S RED-EYE After graduating from Rancho Cucamonga High School on June 12, 2015, best friends Jacob Vandestreek and Austin LaRocco planned a crazy adventure: Take “Captain Blunt’s Red-Eye” from San Francisco, CA, to Sydney,...
HOW CARL THE FLAMINGO CREATED AVIATOR SUNGLASSES Once upon a time, there was a flamingo CEO named Carl, who loved friends, family and his employees--hahahahahahaha. Sorry. Couldn’t type that with a straight hand. Carl loved getting f***ed up on piña...
MYSTERIOUS POEM ABOUT PICKLING HIPSTER DISCOVERED IN AUSTIN, TEXAS The following poem was scrawled in Graffiti Park on Castle Hill in Austin, Texas, on March 9, 2020: There Once Was A Hipster From Austin There once was a hipster from...
