During our recent spring cleaning at The goodr Lagoon, we were tasked with cleaning out our lockers. Instead of cooperating and doing it, Carl the Flamingo stole the case of beer we were saving for our post-cleaning festivities, hid in the nap room, and drank it all. We found him passed out on one of the massive bean bag chairs, splayed out like a starfish, snoring gently and mumbling something about hair plugs in his sleep.
Since Carl refused to cooperate, we had to clean his locker out for him. Amongst the empty liquor bottles and comic books, we found a copy of a magazine called Melons. As soon as she saw the title, our office manager, Callie, screamed and flung it across the room. She was certain it was a nudie magazine…And, well, technically, the subjects were au naturel. But it wasn’t quite what we expected when the magazine landed on the floor, displaying that month’s “centerfold.”
There they were, in all of their pale white glory, their skin glistening and wet. They smiled coquettishly at the photographer, almost beckoning them to join the crystal waters they were posing playfully in. Their buoyant, round melons were slick and shimmering in the sunlight.
“What the f*ck?!” Callie shrieked, picking up the magazine and flipping through the pages. “It’s a Beluga whale…It’s ALL whales…Why would a magazine about whales be called Melons?!” she asked, bewildered.
Just then, a disheveled Carl appeared and ripped the magazine from Callie’s hands.
“If you weren’t such a boor, you would know that a whale’s melon is a mass of adipose tissue found in the foreheads of all toothed whales, such as Beluga whales. They basically wouldn’t be able to communicate or use echolocation without it. Besides, I don’t subscribe to this magazine for the photos. I just read it for the articles. Look, see? This month has a fabulous editorial on the upcoming film Waves Breaking 2: Electric Beluga Boogaloo. I cannot wait til it hits the theater, Beluga whales are my favorite!!!” He paused for a moment. “OMG, I just had a brilliant idea!!!”
“Is that what that burning smell is?” Copywriter Lizzy-Shea chortled.
Not amused, Carl continued, “I’m going to make a pair of Navy Blue BFGs with ocean gradient lenses for people with large melon heads. We’re going to call them Electric Beluga Boogaloo.” Then, clapping his hands to punctuate his words, he said, “Make. It. Happen. People!!!”
“Oh, and Callie? Is that your name? YOU’RE FIRED!!!” - Carl said, waving his wing dismissively at her as he sauntered back into the nap room and slammed the door.
“Don’t worry, Callie, Carl will forget all about this by tomorrow,” said Lizzy-Shea, comforting her. And in true Carl fashion, he did forget all about the incident until the product team dropped off a pair of NEW Electric Beluga Boogaloo BFG sunnies on his desk.
THE SUNNIES THAT STARTED IT ALL
THE STORY BEHIND THE SHADES
