You know that week-long event they throw in the desert that rhymes with ‘Turning Fan’? goodr CEO Carl the Flamingo went last year and got an idea.
“Let’s rip it off!!!” Carl squawked to goodr leadership. “We’re missing out on a huge demo: hippies with disposable income!!! They spend a sh*t-ton to travel to a hostile environment, get wasted, and cosplay being poor – oops, I mean, “create transcendent art, forge connections, and practice divine self-reliance’. HA!!! Dorks. Let’s milk ‘em dry.”
The leaders disagreed, but Carl does whatever the hell he wants, so he created Freezing Man: a week-long event in Antarctica by the South Pacific Ocean coast. The pop-up city housed unique camps, like Pornographic Snowpeople, Ice Skating With Leopard Seals, and the Frostbite Fun Spa. Next door lay the arctic playa, full of quirky art pieces (mostly psychedelic ice sculptures), plus roaming AI house DJs in sleds pulled by robot AI dogs. And it all culminated in destroying a giant frozen human effigy with a rocket launcher.
To maximize interest (and profits), Carl told attendees they didn’t need to bring luggage. Snowmobiles, tents, heaters, power generators, clothes, food, drinks, and ‘that good stuff, WINK’ would be available to buy on-site. However, Carl’s excitement soon turned to ashes. Nobody bought tickets!!! The hippies with disposable income passed. Carl’s celebrity friends passed. Even goodr employees passed. (HR said Carl can’t legally make them go.)
Stubborn as always, Carl went to Freezing Man anyway. He thought he could make it a success through sheer willpower. But once he landed his private jet (towing a Freezing Man 2023 banner), he saw he was all alone. Bummed, he rode his snowmobile through the camps and arctic playa, coming to a screeching halt on the deserted beach. “ARRGHH!” Carl squawked. “This is a bigger disaster than the Super Fly frames! Almost.”
“WHOOOOO!!! FREEZING MAN 2023!!!” bellowed a voice. Carl turned to the ocean. A colossal squid popped out of the ice, wearing a boho chic butterfly sleeve dress, tassel earrings, cat-eye rings, glow-in-the-dark bracelets, fairy lights, and a cowboy straw hat. “MY NAME’S CLONDRA, AND I’M READY TO PARTY!!!” said the squid. “I SAW YOUR BANNER, MY FUNKY FLAMINGO FRIEND!!! HEY!!! HEY!!! HEY!!! HOW’S YOUR FREEZE?”
“Well…” began Carl.