The Myrddin Emrys Memorial Resort & Spa for Practitioners of Sorcery and the Magically Inclined (or simply “The Myr” for those in the know) is located exactly where one would not expect it to be, which makes it makes it particularly difficult to find for those who actually would like to locate it. Really, speaking in a strictly physical sense, the Spa is not “located” anywhere accessible by typical transport. As such, only those with invitations may visit The Myr.
This feature was no accident, of course, as wizards (a class to which the founders of The Myr belonged) never do anything they do not mean to do. As it turns out, vendors of all types are constantly hoping and trying to get a practitioner of sorcery or one of the magically inclined to endorse their products. Such an endorsement can mean the difference between a life struggling in backwater flea markets and running a booming retail empire. But practitioners are stingy with their endorsements and will only lend their name to those products with which they have formed a deep connection, usually through use in stressful situations, like battles with Sauron or Voldemort. (Fuck that clown we’re not scared of saying his name)
Back before goodr was an internationally recognized brand, the founders would try everything to get their products in the hands of anyone who could help to bring recognition to their brand. So when the goodr founders learned that both Dumbledore and Gandalf the White were avid trail runners, they knew that they had to get the goodr Running Sunglasses in the hands of the two great wizards. Both wizards often vacationed together at The Myr and so it was decided that they would try to kill two birds with one stone by convincing them both to endorse the goodr Running Sunglasses by approaching them at The Myr.
Now, as mentioned earlier, one does not simply walk into The Myr. Its gates are guarded by more than just bellhops. There is relentless hospitality there that does not sleep, and the hotel manager is ever watchful. It is a luxurious dreamland, riddled with fresh linen and pillow mints and free bath robes, the very air you breathe is a green fig fragrance. Not with ten thousand men could you simply walk in. It is folly.
But the goodr founders are nothing if not foolish. After months of research and many failed attempts, the goodr founders learned that The Myr was constantly on the lookout for pool boys to assist with the resort’s hugely popular magical lagoon. By fabricating elaborate pool boy resumes and fake references from the swankiest hotels across the world, the goodr founders secured positions as pool boys at the Myr. From there it was a simple matter of making sure that they were placed on sunscreen duty when Dumbledore and Gandalf would come down for their daily sunbathing appointment. Typically, the pool boys at The Myr loathed sunscreen duty as it required them to apply and rub in generous amounts of specialty sunscreen to the various guests of the lagoon, which could take a good deal of time depending on the proclivities of the guests. But the goodr founders knew that this would give them the time needed to pitch their Running Sunglasses to the great wizards.
After several weeks of biding their time, the moment finally came and the two wizards called the goodr founders over to apply the sunscreen. The goodr founders were ecstatic and blessed the gods for their great luck when the wizards began discussing their last trail run. Not surprisingly, wizards do not frequent the same trails as mere mortals. Gandalf’s had just returned from running Lhotse, while Dumbledore had enjoyed the views at Aconcagua.
As the wizards traded stories of their adventures, the goodr founders mustered their courage and broke in to ask the wizards what kind of sunglasses they wore while up at those extreme altitudes. After recovering from the shock of having a pool boy interrupt them (a rule that was never broken), the two dismissively stated that they never run with sunglasses as all running sunglasses look awful and are not befitting of a wizard’s carefully crafted aesthetics.
With that, the goodr founders produced the goodr Running Sunglasses and handed them to the skeptical wizards. They were immediately taken with their classic, yet fun design, though the wizards questioned whether sunglasses that stylish could be used for running. The goodr founders, confident in their product, insisted that the wizards try them and see. And before they could take their next breath, the goodr founders found themselves transported to the base of Mt. Kilimanjaro. The goodr founders watched in awe as two specs at the peak of Kilimanjaro swiftly descended down the mountain to where they stood.
Upon reaching the goodr founders, the two wizards extended their hands as they congratulated the goodr founder on creating the most astonishing and attractive pair of running sunglasses they had ever worn. The two wizards immediately agreed to endorse the sunglasses, which launched goodr from a little-known brand to one of the largest sunglass companies in the world. After this momentous event, the goodr founders dubbed their newest color scheme “Sunbathing with Wizards” to honor the event that helped to make them so successful.
As a post-script, the goodr founders, Dumbledore and Gandalf remain in contact to this day and are actually the members of a barber shop quartet, which plays bi-monthly at Maggie’s Pub and Eatery in Beaufort, South Carolina.
THE SUNNIES THAT STARTED IT ALL
THE STORY BEHIND THE SHADES