Shopping Bag
“I’m so tired of living in this disgusting bachelor pad, Carl! Just look at this bedroom! It screams ‘single, and staying that way.’ Where did you get these godawful scratchy sheets anyway, a hospital linen supplier? They’re giving me hives!...
When Carl the Flamingo recently traveled to Bradenton, Florida to take a tour of an orange juice factory, he stumbled upon a magical world when he accidentally flushed himself down a urinal with a motion sensor flusher (long story).After a...
Carl the Flamingo was stoked to get a backstage invitation to New York Fashion Week by his good friend Reginald the Unicorn, a top fashion model. He found himself in a hive of activity backstage. Every corner was abuzz with...
A GLIMPSE INTO THE EXCLUSIVE ITALIAN FASHION HOUSE: CASA DEL FENICOTTERO Karel de Flamingo is the snooty head designer at haute fashion house Casa Del Fenicottero in Milan. His appearance is striking, almost to the degree that it’s freakish. Instead...
Carl the Flamingo had just arrived in Milan for fashion week and couldn’t wait to explore the city. Unfortunately, things started to go badly as soon as he deboarded the plane and headed to the baggage claim. As he was...
A FASHION EDITOR’S RANT AFTER SOMEONE CALLED HER GLASSES “BLACK” INSTEAD OF “NOIR” Carl the Flamingo had just sat down at a sidewalk cafe in Manhattan with a newspaper and his overpriced coffee when he witnessed a bizarre exchange between...
ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WAS A BUTT-WIZARD NAMED RAYZOR THE MAGNIFICENT. IN THAT TIME, MOST WIZARDS FOCUSED ON A SPECIFIC PART OF THE HUMAN BODY, WHILE A FEW HIGHLY TRAINED WIZARDS PERFORMED SPELLS ON WHOLE BODIES.HOWEVER, RAYZOR DIDN’T WANT...
ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WERE TWO TWIN SISTERS IN A SMALL TOWN BORED OUT OF THEIR FREAKING MINDS. AFTER GRADUATING FROM COLLEGE, THEY COULDN’T FIND JOBS, SO THEY MOVED BACK HOME WITH THEIR PARENTS. IT SUUUUUCKED.WHILE DEBATING THEIR FUTURE,...
ONCE UPON A TIME, THE HOTTEST NIGHTCLUB IN LOS ANGELES WAS IN THE SEWER. IT WAS CALLED SAUNTERESSA. YOU ENTERED THROUGH A MANHOLE IN THE WEST HOLLYWOOD DISCO CLUB THE MAN HOLE. IT WAS GUARDED BY BEARS. BOTH KINDS.WHEN YOU...
The sun hangs low in the sky, its hazy orange glow casting long shadows across the sweltering, smoggy city. The streets are buzzing with the quotidian noises of an urban neighborhood. Children laughing and splashing in the water of an...
Tammy was sitting at her vanity, trying to muster up the energy to go out after work. She looked in the mirror and tugged at the dark bags under her eyes. “Ugh, my eyes feel like two hot coals burning...
Carl the Flamingo slowly gained consciousness. Only a faint hint of light filtered through the silky blindfold (or was it a sleep mask?) He wriggled in the extremely comfortable recliner, quickly realizing he could barely move. Was he being restrained,...
