“I’m so tired of living in this disgusting bachelor pad, Carl! Just look at this bedroom! It screams ‘single, and staying that way.’ Where did you get these godawful scratchy sheets anyway, a hospital linen supplier? They’re giving me hives! When are you going to let me start making some design decisions around here?! We’ve only been engaged for like ten years!” Turlana whined.
“Jeez, babe, I’m actually running really late for a SUPER important symposium on gradient lenses at the sunglasses expo. Why don’t you poke around for some design inspiration online and create a mood board with some ideas? And you can show it to me tonight while we eat lobster Thermidor in the bathtub? Oh, that reminds me, can you pick up more lobster bibs? I think we’re out. Have a great day, hun!” He kissed her pouting face and left her festering in her feathered negligee at the kitchen counter.
Turlana grabbed Carl’s last “Carl for State Senator ‘98” poster from the closet, a stack of vintage Architectural Digestion magazines, a glue stick, and scissors and got to work clipping and gluing. She spent all day poring over the design magazines, filling the board with extravagant ideas. A bespoke bed carved into the shape of a giant swan with bejeweled eyes, an antique Venetian tete-a-tete with mother-of-pearl inlay, a polar bear skin rug, and lead crystal chandeliers. The bedding, paint, and window treatments were all in a moody ’80s color palette of mauve, gray, deep purple, black, and gold in luxurious velvets, silks, and satin that would make any mob wife drool. She couldn’t WAIT to show Carl when he returned home.
When Carl walked in the door he found her asleep on the living room floor still in her negligee from that morning. The living room floor had old magazines and pages strewn all about. She was face down on the floor, a piece of the torn paper fluttered in front of her face with her every breath. He took one look at her mood board and felt like someone gut punched him in his bank account. A polar bear rug?! A bespoke carved bed?! Zoinks!!!
A little flamingo devil appeared over his shoulder. “You’d better come up with some grand gesture (and QUICK) to take her mind off of these insane design upgrades before she wakes up!!!” The little devil prompted him.
A little flamingo angel appeared over the other shoulder. “She does LOVE Circle Gs. Maybe you should make her some Circle Gs inspired by her mood board? From the looks of it, the woman LOVES mauve.”
“Yes!!! That’s it!” Carl whispered aloud. “Mauve Circle Gs with
rose gradient lenses. Now, quick, let’s get the hell out of here before she wakes up! We’ve got to get back to the office STAT and get the product team working on these right away!!! We’ll call ‘em Mauve Mood Board…”
Carl slowly backed away towards the front door. Turlana suddenly bolted upright, unaware that it was the sound of the door closing that woke her. She peeled a drooly magazine page off of her face and looked at the clock. “Seven fifteen?! Better get those lobsters into the bathtub to cook. Carl should be home any minute!” She untangled an uncapped glue stick from her hair and set to work filling the bathtub with white wine…
