Blacklisted From The Go Kart Track Origin Story

ONCE UPON A TIME, THERE WERE TWO TWIN SISTERS IN A SMALL TOWN BORED OUT OF THEIR FREAKING MINDS. AFTER GRADUATING FROM COLLEGE, THEY COULDN’T FIND JOBS, SO THEY MOVED BACK HOME WITH THEIR PARENTS. IT SUUUUUCKED.

WHILE DEBATING THEIR FUTURE, JULIET AND JANNA WORKED AT THE LOCAL GROCERY STORE. THEY HATED IT. AS BORN THRILL-SEEKERS, THEY CRAVED AN ADRENALINE RUSH. SO, THEY GOT CREATIVE, AND THREW A “BADASS-ATHON!!!”

AFTER MIDNIGHT, THEY OPENED THE STORE AND COMPETED IN SHOPPING CART RACES AND TWO-WHEELER RACES, CREATING RAMPS TO DO WILD TRICKS. IT WAS AWESOME!!! BUT IT WAS ALSO CAUGHT ON CAMERA AND THEY WERE BOTH FIRED.

THE NEXT DAY, JULIET SCROLLED THROUGH “HELP WANTED” ADS FOR DUMBASS JOBS AND SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING. A FEW MILES OUT OF TOWN, A GO-KART TRACK WAS OPENING, NAMED THUNDERBOLT SPEEDWAY. AND THEY WERE HIRING!

SO, JULIET AND JANNA APPLIED AT THUNDERBOLT AND BECAME TRACK OFFICIALS. THEY THOUGHT THEY COULD SATISFY THEIR NEED FOR SPEED BY INDULGING IN THE EXHILARATION OF RACING GO-KARTS. FINALLY, SOME HIGH-OCTANE FUN!!!

BUT IN MANY WAYS IT WAS JUST AS BORING AS THE GROCERY STORE. GO-KART SPEEDS WERE STRICTLY REGULATED. THE TRACK WAS MADE FOR CHILDREN, WITH CONES AND CUSHION BARRIERS CURLING IN A HO-HUM LOOPTY-LOOP. YAWWWN.

THE WOMEN PASSED THEIR TIME AT WORK BY SCRIBBLING IDEAS IN NOTEBOOKS. IN COLLEGE, JANNA MAJORED IN SUNGLASSES DESIGN, SO SHE SCRAWLED IDEAS FOR WRAPAROUND SUNNIES WITH AN ANTI-FOG LENS AND NO-SLIP NO-BOUNCE FRAMES.

JULIET MAJORED IN MAGIC SH*T, SO SHE BRAINSTORMED HOW TO INFUSE SHADES WITH A PECULIAR ABILITY: TO MAKE THEIR WEARER LAUGH UNCONTROLLABLY, EVEN AT THE MOST INCONVENIENT TIMES. AT LEAST IT WOULD MAKE WORK FUN.

WHEN JULIET AND JANNA PUT THEIR IDEAS TOGETHER, THEY CREATED SPECIAL WRAPAROUND SUNNIES UNLIKE ANY THE WORLD HAD SEEN BEFORE. THEY WEREN’T JUST FUNCTIONAL FOR EXTREME SPORTS AND STUNTS–THEY SPREAD JOY!!!

THE TWIN DAREDEVILS HAD BIG PLANS. THESE SPECIAL SUNNIES WOULD BE A SMASH HIT WITH MISCHIEF-MAKERS, UNFUNNY COMEDIANS, AND EVERYONE WITH A TASTE FOR THE ABSURD. THE SHADES TURNED ANY SITUATION INTO COMEDY!

HOWEVER, THEY NEEDED TO RUN A TEST. SO, AFTER MIDNIHGT, JULIET AND JANNA SNEAKED INTO THUNDERBOLT SPEEDWAY” AND THREW “BADASS-ATHON 2: THE SQUEAKUEL.” BUT THIS TIME, THEY INVITED A CROWD AND SOLD TICKETS!

DID WE MENTION THEY RIGGED THE GO-KART ENGINES WITH NITROUS OXIDE AND REDESIGNED THE TRACK WITH RAMPS? ‘CUZ THEY DID. WITH EVERY TWIST AND TURN, THEY ERUPTED INTO UNCONTROLLABLE LAUGHTER AND WOWED THE CROWD.

AFTER THAT HAIR-RAISING EVENT, THE INEVITABLE HAPPENED: THE THUNDERBOLT SPEEDWAY MANAGER DISCOVERED THE CARNAGE, REVIEWED THE SECURITY TAPES, AND BANNED JULIET AND JANNA FROM THE GO-KART TRACK FOR LIFE. BUMMER.

BUT AS FATE WOULD HAVE IT, GOODR, AN UNCONVENTIONAL EYEWEAR BRAND KNOWN FOR PLAYFUL DESIGNS, STUMBLED UPON THEIR INCREDIBLE STORY. GOODR OFFERED JULIET AND JANNA JOBS AS GRAPHIC DESIGNERS. THEY ACCEPTED!

FOR THEIR FIRST PROJECT, JULIET AND JANNA CREATED BLACKLISTED FROM THE GO-KART TRACK, STYLISH WRAPAROUND SUNNIES THAT REMIND WEARERS TO NOT TO TAKE LIFE TOO SERIOUSLY…AND NEVER LET SPEEDBUMPS GET YOU DOWN.

OF COURSE, DUE TO SUUUUPER DUMB REGULATIONS, THE SHADES DO NOT OFFICIALLY HAVE MAGICAL PROPERTIES. BUT SOME PEOPLE SAY WHEN YOU PUT THEM ON, YOU GRIN, DUE TO A SECRET DROP OF THAT EXTREME GO-KART JOY.