Undercover Stunt Double Origin Story
The sun hangs low in the sky, its hazy orange glow casting long shadows across the sweltering, smoggy city. The streets are buzzing with the quotidian noises of an urban neighborhood. Children laughing and splashing in the water of an open fire hydrant. Shrill housewives gossiping and swapping casserole recipes on the stoop across the street. It’s all punctuated by the loud clatter of a garbage truck hungrily emptying dumpsters in the alley. You quietly observe the comforting chaos below from the roof of the dilapidated brick apartment building, the people below completely oblivious to your presence.
“AND…ACTION!” the Director yells.
With a deep breath, you leap into action. In one swift motion, you sprint toward the opposite edge of the building's roof. Your heart feels like a ticking time bomb inside your chest. As you reach the edge, you propel yourself forward, plummeting down towards the ground below.
You execute a FLAWLESS jump, landing on a filthy mattress below (it literally has mushrooms growing on it). Just as you scoot your tuchus off of the moist mattress, a handful of muscular goons straight out of a Dick Tracy cartoon engage you in a fistfight. *BIFF!!!* *POW!!!* You drop them to the ground with your insane capoeira skills. You sprint towards the smoke billowing from the abandoned sauerkraut factory. The air is thick with the stench of old cabbage. You gasp and choke as you break through the heavy door to the raging inferno inside. The heat intensifies with each passing second, but it doesn’t matter. You’re determined to save Grandpa Swanda’s top-secret recipe!!!.
With a powerful roll, you emerge from his office unscathed, the singed recipe card in hand. The fire licks at your skintight black jumpsuit as you sprint through the flames. As you try to exit the building, a whoosh of flames engulfs the doorway. Like a typical movie cliche, a flaming beam crashes to the floor, blocking your exit. Will you make it out alive?! A few minutes later, you nonchalantly emerge from the building, cool as a cucumber and dressed like a 70s fashion photographer. You’re now sporting a pair of skintight designer jeans, a leather jacket, gold chains, and a pair of python cowboy boots. You pull on a pair of square black aviator shades with blue non-reflective lenses and a retro vibe and hop into a sleek vintage coupe convertible being driven by a hot brunette and speed off. As you speed away, you hear the screams of the director…
“WHO THE F*CK WAS THAT?! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THIS SHOOT IS COSTING US?! HE TOOK DOWN OUR SECURITY LIKE THEY WERE RAGDOLLS!!! HE STOLE OUR GETAWAY CAR. THE STUDIO IS GOING TO BE LIVID WHEN THEY FIND OUT ABOUT THIS!!! GODDAMNIT, GET IRA ON THE HORN YOU INCOMPETENT NINCOMPOOP!!!”
(Nice job, Undercover Stunt Double. We made these vintage-inspired frames with you in mind.)
