Shopping Bag
Squawwwk!!! Carl the Flamingo here. goodr CEO, shrimp aficionado, (and lucky you) your national parks tour guide!!! We've got nine fantastic parks to see, so grab your trail mix, fill that canteen, and let's goooo!!! Joshua Tree First up is...
4 PRACTICAL, NOT INSANE TIPS FOR SURFING WITH YOUR DOG4. Show your dog Point Break. Not the 2015 remake. The 2015 remake doesn’t exist. It was just a bad dream we all had. Show your dog the only version of...
COMEDIAN DOES STAND-UP WHILE SKI JUMPING OFF A CLIFF WHILE DROPPING OFF A 255-FOOT CLIFF IN MOUNT TARGHEE, WYOMING, EXCELLENT SKIER AND MEDIOCRE COMEDIAN LARS FREZNIKKEL DELIVERED THE FOLLOWING STAND-UP ROUTINE: “WHOA! HOPE NOBODY CALLS THE DEA ON ME. BECAUSE...
CARL’S FIRST FORAY INTO EXPLORING HIS COULROPHOBIA “SO CARL, WHAT BRINGS YOU TO MY OFFICE TODAY?” “WELL, YOU SEE DR., CAN I CALL YOU DR.? I HAVE AN EXTREME PHOBIA OF CLOWNS. IT ALL STARTED WHEN I WAS A PRACTICALLY...
AN EXTREME POEM TO AN EXTREME MOTHER I SKYDIVED INTO A F^&*ING VOLCANO LANDED ON MY TUNGSTEN SURFBOARD RODE WAVES OF LAVA, SCREAMED, “AIN’T NO- -BODY WHO IS THIS HARDCORE!!” MA SAID, “THAT’S NICE.” I DROVE A RACECAR OFF OF...
AN EXTREME TALE ABOUT DATING WITH A TAIL DO YOU KNOW HOW F*ING HARD IT IS TO FIND A PLUTONIC, ERR SORRY PLATONIC RELATIONSHIP WHEN YOU LIVE NEXT TO A NUCLEAR WASTE DUMP?! YOUR DATING LIFE BASICALLY GOES LIKE THIS....
AN OPEN LETTER TO HOLLYWOOD FROM ASPIRING ACTION STAR BRUNK LUMPSTACK DEAR HOLLYWOOD, MY NAME IS BRUNK LUMPSTACK. I’M 25 YEARS OLD, 269 POUNDS OF SOLID MUSCLE, AND I JUST MOVED TO LOS ANGELES FROM CUT AND SHOOT, TEXAS. YOU’RE...
DON’T YOU DARE REFUSE CRAZY EDDY’S REFUSE IT’S 10 PM, YOU HEAD TO THE ALLEY BEHIND YOUR APARTMENT COMPLEX TO TAKE YOUR GARBAGE OUT. IT’S JUST BUSINESS AS USUAL ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. YOU’RE BARELY PAYING ATTENTION AS YOU CHUCK...
CARL THE FLAMINGO VISITS HELL-CON (THE HELLENIC COUNCIL OF AMERICA’S ANNUAL CONVENTION) Carl the Flamingo was recently given last-minute tickets to Hell-Con by Flamites, God of Flamingos. Unfortunately, Flamites was unable to attend after a nasty bout of shellfish food...
3 BATSH*T CRAZY EMAILS ABOUT “THANKS, THEY’RE VINTAGE” SUNGLASSES Dear goodr, What’s wrong with you?! Did you all get lobotomies for Christmas?!?!?! The “Thanks, They’re Vintage” sunglasses are NOT vintage. They’re RETRO!!! According to the dictionary (EVER HEARD OF IT?!!),...
5 ESSENTIAL ALBUMS TO OWN ON VINYL THAT YOU’VE PROBABLY NEVER HEARD OF 5. The Rockroaches – General Salt’s Butts Club Some say Squirtgun is The Rockroaches’ finest album, but nothing beats the Butts Club. The ground-breaking cover featured all...
A SNAPSHOT OF THE GRIM REAPERS OF NORTH AMERICA CONFERENCE We know what you’re thinking… There’s a conference? There’s more than one Grim Reaper?! Uh, obviously!!! According to a quick search we did online, it appears that 65 million people...
