Shopping Bag
4 PRACTICAL, NOT INSANE TIPS FOR SURFING WITH YOUR DOG
4. Show your dog Point Break. Not the 2015 remake. The 2015 remake doesn’t exist. It was just a bad dream we all had. Show your dog the only version of Point Break that exists, which is the 1991 film. The one starring Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze, and directed by Academy Award Winner Kathryn Bigelow. (She won an Oscar for The Hurt Locker in 2010, but we all know it was really for Point Break.) While watching Point Break, your dog will learn everything about surfing, and life. Your dog may even request to be named “Bodhi,” like Patrick Swayze’s character. Do not fight this. Just go with it.
3. Bring a canine flotation device, so your dog doesn’t drown. If your dog drowns, they’ll come back as a ghost dog, and it’s not as fun. When you throw a ball, and say “Fetch,” they run to get it, but they can’t pick it up, because they’re ghosts. Their translucent ghost teeth just go right through the solid ball. And they don’t understand why. So they try it again. And again and again. It’s heart-breaking. Nothing is sadder than watching ghost dogs desperately trying to clamp solid balls in their ghost jaws. So get a goddamn Canine Flotation Device. At goodr, we have the courage to say it: We’re anti-dog-drowning.
2. Stock your pup up on freshwater before hitting the ocean. Salt water will majorly dehydrate your dog. If you don’t, your pooch might get a stomach ache, or worse, diarrhea. We know what you’re thinking: Who cares about pooping in the ocean? It’s a natural toilet! Fish care, that’s who. Imagine swimming in the ocean, minding your own business, on your way to meet a total fish hottie for a bone-sesh in a coral bed, and then a bunch of dog diarrhea rains down on you. Splat. That will ruin your Valentine’s Day. And if you don’t have empathy, consider this: What if a fish gets pooped on by a dog, and tells birds to start pooping on humans? It could happen. Do YOU want a poop war? Doubt it.
1. Use a foam board, dog surfboard, longboard, or boogie board. Not a needle board, cat surfboard, shortboard or twerkboard. That’s it. Yeah, we know, this fourth tip isn’t funny. We had three tips with funny stuff in them, so we put those first. We thought the weakest one would scare you into clicking away, so we left it for last. Sometimes, like in The Simpsons Halloween specials, for example, they put the weakest story second, so it bookends the better ones, and you walk away with a positive impression. Not us. We’re leaving you with a whimper, not a bang. Just like the Point Break movies. They started with a bang in 1991, and left with a whimper in 2015. See? It all ties together! Or maybe not. The point is, a goodr employee named their dog Bodhi and we made gorgeous dog bark-printed Circle Gs perfect for surfers called Bodhi’s Ultimate Ride. You’re welcome.
THE SUNNIES THAT STARTED IT ALL
THE STORY BEHIND THE SHADES
