A GAMER’S ANGRY RANT AFTER SOMEONE IN THE CHAT SAID “IT’S JUST A GAME” “It’s JUST a game?! Really? Really? It’s JUST a game?! Would you say that to LeBron James after losing the NBA Finals? Would you say that...
PROFESSIONAL RESPAWNER COVER LETTER Dear Hiring Manager, As an impatient gamer who rushes into battles without any real plan, and a stubborn perfectionist who intentionally dies after making the slightest mistake, I am uniquely qualified for the position of Professional...
10 SYMPTOMS OF SIDE SCROLL EYE ROLL DISEASE If you play side-scrolling video games, then you are at high risk for contracting Side Scroll Eye Roll Disease. Here are 10 common symptoms: Your eyes constantly roll from left to right,...
AN OPEN LETTER TO ELON MUSK TO MAKE AN ARCADE GAME-INSPIRED CAR Dear Elon Musk, We know you’re busy recording terrible EDM songs and getting high with Joe Rogan, but we were wondering if you could take a teensy bit...
FIVE CATS REVIEW “VEGAN FRIENDLY COUTURE” SUNGLASSES The results are in! Cats don’t just love sun-bathing and getting their butts scratched! They also love Vegan Friendly Couture sunglasses! But don’t take it from us. Take it from these cats --...
PICK YOUR FAVORITE SHADE OF BLUE AND WE’LL TELL YOUR FORTUNE BEHOLD... YOUR FUTURE... 1. Azure. An old friend will come back into your life and give you a hug. Unfortunately, that old friend is now a zombie, and they’re...
107-YEAR-OLD MAN STILL ANGRY AMELIA EARHART GHOSTED HIM On July 2, 1937, aviation pioneer Amelia Earhart mysteriously vanished during an attempt to circumnavigate the world. Decades later, her disappearance still confounds historians, and infuriates Elmer Wincel, a man who asked...
