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Cosmic Crystals: The Sun Origin Story

Cosmic Crystals: The Sun Origin Story

THIS IS THE DAWNING OF THE AGE OF AQUARIUS?!
This morning, picking at your chia seed pudding you realized it… No, it couldn’t… Could it be?

The dawning of the Age of Aquarius?!

Your spiritual guru, Celeste Moonbeam, didn’t mention it on your last call…but you can feel the anxiety building up inside of you like a candida explosion. Festering, you toss all of your nightshades into the trash.

Why isn’t Celeste Moonbeam answering your calls? That bitch told you she was psychic!!! Doesn’t she know this is URGENT?! WHY IS SHE IGNORING YOU?! You long for the days when you could just dial up Miss Cleo. She always answered your calls! Granted, she was charging you by-the-minute but that’s completely beside the point. In a fit of rage, you hurl your favorite septarian nodule through your kitchen drywall.

“HOW ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO KNOW TO LET THE SUN SHINE? LET THE GD SUN SHINE IN?! IF YOU DON’T KNOW IF IT’S THE DAWNING OF THE AGE OF AQUARIUS?!” You scream at no one, chucking crystals all over the room.

“SHUT UP ABOUT THE SUN. SHUT UP ABOUT THE SUN!”

The phone rings, it is Celeste Moonbeam. Damn, she’s good! She must have picked up on all of the negative vibrations you were sending into the psychosphere. (It couldn’t possibly have been the 27 anxious and rage-filled voicemails you left.)

She assures you that this IS the dawning of the Age of Aquarius! You CAN let the sun shine in…

Now, we’ve heard some weird claims about soaking up the sun.*

Some say sun gazing is good for your third eye, but let’s get real here, gazing into the sun is not good for your actual eyes. That’s why we channeled the feel-good vibes and warmth of the sun into these stellar Cosmic Crystal sunnies:

So gaze away with full UV protection, friend! (And maybe some sunshine and new sunnies will help you with that slight rage problem too? You should probably at least look into getting your chakras realigned, just sayin’.)
*Ahem, Shailene Woodley much?

MORE ORIGIN STORIES

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