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ORIGIN STORIES
- VRGs
- THE FUTURE IS VOID
- NAEON FLUX CAPACITOR
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- SEE YOU AT THE PARTY, RICHTER
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- OPERATION: BLACKOUT
- OGs
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- WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA
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- THESE SHADES ARE TRASH
- DON'T TAB SHAME ME
- LOST IN TRANSITION
- BFGs
- HOOKED ON ONYX
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- DO YOU EVEN PISTOL, FLAMINGO?
- RUNWAYS
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- FAST AS SHELL
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- IT'S NOT BLACK, IT'S OBSIDIAN
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- INFLUENCERS PAY DOUBLE
- I PICKLED THESE MYSELF
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- BODHI'S ULTIMATE WAVE
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SPORTS
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- YOUR BEST RUNNING FRIEND
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- WHAT WE TALK ABOUT WHEN NOT TALKING ABOUT RUNNING
- ANIMAL CROSSING ISLAND
- WHAT THE HELL IS A BEAST?
- OFFICIAL SUNGLASSES OF THE OCR WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS
- SATURDAY MORNING IN THE GRAND CANYON
- A BLIND BEAST KNOWS NO BOUNDARIES
- RUNNING THE BARKLEY IS FUN?
- BIG CAT BADASS
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- JAVELINA JUNDRED RACE RECAP
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- ON THE FENCE ABOUT SPIN CLASS!?
- PEDICABS IN NYC
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- GOODR STAFF DEBUNK THE GAMER STIGMA
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- THE FLAMBOYANCE DEBUNKS THE GAMER STIGMA
- A GOODR WEDDING
- A CHAT WITH ALEXI PAPPAS
- RACE RECAPS
- IT'S OKAY TO HATE VIRTUAL RACES
- CARL'S TOUR DE FRANCE RECAP 2020
- SPEED PROJECT 2019
- TIPS & TRICKS
- RUNNING WHILE HIGH
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SHENANIGANS
- IN THE PRESS
- A TALE OF THE GOODR CABANA
- GOODR x REEBOK
- PARTNERING WITH BIGGEST ESPORTS ARENA IN NORTH AMERICA!
- SEASON 03 OF CULTURE GOODR IS OUT
- YOU HAD ME AT DUNKIN'
- TROPICAL OPTICALS
- THE ROLLING STONES X COSMIC CRYSTALS
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- NEW CATEYE SUNGLASSES
- POW! BAM! BATMAN SUNGLASSES!
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- goodr GIVES BACK
- GOODR x DENVER ZOO
- JUST FLOCKING VOTE
- BLACK LIVES MATTER
- GOODR x 1% FOR THE PLANET RECYCLED SUNGLASSES
- BRAVE LIKE GABE
- SOCAL SPECIAL OLYMPICS COLLAB
- SUNGLASSES ON THE FRONTLINE
- 100% CARBON NEUTRAL
- BREAKING SILENCE 2019
- BREAKING SILENCE 2020
- BREAKING SILENCE 2021
- FUN
- GIFT GUIDE
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- CARL AND HIS IDIOT COUSIN TEDDY
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- DEEP DIVE
- ARE BLUE BLOCKERS A BLUE MIRAGE?
- THE BEST RUNNING SUNGLASSES GUIDE ON THE ENTIRE INTERNET
- WHY YOU NEED ORANGE SUNGLASSES
- COMPANY CULTURE WHILE WORKING REMOTELY
- GET TRENDY WITH OUR NEW HIPSTER SUNGLASSES
- THE BEST WOMEN’S SUNGLASSES
- BEST GOLF SUNGLASSES
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- NEON SUNGLASSES
- THE BEST PINK SUNGLASSES
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CULTURE
- CULTURE GOODR PODCAST
- S03E01
- S03E02
- S03E03
- S03E04
- S03E05
- S03E06
- S03E07
- S03E08
- S03E09
- S03E10
- S03E11
- S03E12
- S03E13
- S03E14
- S03E15
- S03E16
- S03E17
- S03E18
- S03E19
- S02E01
- S02E02
- S02E03
- S02E04
- S02E05
- S02E06
- S02E07
- S02E08
- S02E09
- S02E10
- BONUS EPISODE 01
- BONUS EPISODE 02
- BONUS EPISODE 03
- BONUS EPISODE 04
- BONUS EPISODE 05
- REMIX SERIES 01
- REMIX SERIES 02
- REMIX SERIES 03
- REMIX SERIES 04
- REMIX SERIES 05
- REMIX SERIES 06
- REMIX SERIES 07
- S01E01
- S01E02
- BLACKOUT TUESDAY
- S01E03
- S01E04
- S01E05
THANKS, THEY'RE VINTAGE ORIGIN STORY
3 BATSH*T CRAZY EMAILS ABOUT “THANKS, THEY’RE VINTAGE” SUNGLASSES
Dear goodr,
What’s wrong with you?! Did you all get lobotomies for Christmas?!?!?! The “Thanks, They’re Vintage” sunglasses are NOT vintage. They’re RETRO!!! According to the dictionary (EVER HEARD OF IT?!!), vintage means “characterized by excellence, maturity, and enduring appeal; classic,” with true vintage at 50 years old. Retro means “involving, relating to, or reminiscent of an earlier time; retrospective," imitating a style at least 10-15 years old. I DEMAND you rename these sunglasses “Thanks, They’re Retro.” What do you think, words have no meaning!?!? Should we all speak gibberish?!?!! Florbetty stimp zartkuss! Wipeggle snarf ploot! Does that make you happy? DOES IT?!??! I hope you get ebola.
Sincerely,
Byron
Dear Byron,
The sunglasses ARE 50 years old. They just look 10-15 years old because they had cosmetic surgery. The secret to looking good is not a healthy diet, regular exercise, and 8 hours of sleep every night. It’s liposuction, Botox, and drinking the blood of the young. How old are you, by the way? Got any kids? Just curious.
Yours in flamingo love,
goodr
Dear goodr,
THANK YOU for using “they’re” correctly!!! I work as a professional Grammar Not See. (Formerly “Grammar Nazi,” we recently learned that word is problematic.) That means from 9 to 5 on Monday through Friday, I roam the internet, scouring social media, comment sections and message boards for incorrect uses of “their,” “there” and “they’re.” Then I post a comment shaming the perps as if they committed an atrocious war crime. It’s the only way they’ll learn. But clearly, there’s no need to teach anything to you fine folks! “Thanks, They’re Vintage.” Beautiful. Tell the copy team their excellent work tickles my heart.
Yours,
Delilah
Dear Delilah,
We passed your message to the Copy Coven. Their on there monthly 3-week vacation and said they’re is no chance they give a shit.
Yours in flamingo love,
goodr
Dear goodr,
HELP ME!!!! PLEASE!!! OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD. I put on “Thanks, They’re Vintage” sunglasses and a spirit who died 50 years ago possessed me! Then he wandered around my office and said EXTREMELY problematic things to EVERYONE!!! Maybe that stuff was okay to say when the spirit died in 1972. But not in 2022! Eugene Shackleton — that was the spirit’s name – offended people of all races, all genders, all sexualities, all ages, and all abilities!!!! It was horrible. Just horrible. He said the C-word, the F-word, the R-word, you name it! Pick a letter of the alphabet and attach “-word” to it – he said it! But everyone thinks it was me! OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD. By the time I was able to overpower Eugene and regain control of my body, the damage was done. But nobody believes me!!!! Please, tell my co-workers at The Sunglasses Shack that it wasn’t me!!! It was Eugene Shackleton!!!
Anxiously awaiting your reply,
Randall
Dear Randall,
We asked you nicely to stock our sunglasses, and you said no. This is what happens when retailers reject us. We take revenge. Nasty soul-scarring revenge. You’ll pay. You’ll all pay. Let this be a lesson to all retailers. HA HA HA HA HA! SQUAWWWWK!!!
Yours in flamingo love,
goodr

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