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LOOK MA, NO HANDS! ORIGIN STORY

LOOK MA, NO HANDS! ORIGIN STORY

AN EXTREME POEM TO AN EXTREME MOTHER
I SKYDIVED INTO A F^&*ING VOLCANO LANDED ON MY TUNGSTEN SURFBOARD RODE WAVES OF LAVA, SCREAMED, “AIN’T NO- -BODY WHO IS THIS HARDCORE!!”

MA SAID, “THAT’S NICE.”

I DROVE A RACECAR OFF OF A SKYSCRAPER ROOF, LANDED ON A SMALLER SKYSCRAPER ROOF, LANDED ON A MEDIUM-SIZE BUILDING’S ROOF, THEN HIT THE GROUND SMOOTH, DID NOT EVEN SAY “OOF.”

MA SAID, “THAT’S NICE.”

I CRUSHED KITZBÜHEL'S STREIF ON HAHNENKAMM MOUNTAIN ONE OF THE MOST DANGEROUS DOWNHILL SKI LANDS 90 MILES PER HOUR, 260 FOOT JUMPS – COUNT ‘EM!!! WHILE SCREAMING, “LOOK MA, NO HANDS!”

MA SAID, “THAT’S NICE.”

I GAVE MA ONE PAIR OF goodr SUNGLASSES, WRAP G, EXTREME WRAPAROUND LENS AND SAID “YOU MAKE OTHER MAs LOOK LIKE DUMBASSES, I LOVE YOU. HOPE YOUR LIFE NEVER ENDS.”

MA SAID, “THAT’S NICE…JUST KIDDING. I LOVE YOU TOO, DUMMY. THANKS FOR THE EXTREMELY SWEET SHADES!!!”

THE ORIGINALS

THE SUNNIES THAT STARTED IT ALL

A man and woman wearing hot pink sunglasses with teal lenses laugh while lounging on a tropical beach. Three-quarter angle view of pink sunglasses with teal reflective lenses.

Flamingos On A Booze Cruise

A woman in a garden fiercely stares off wearing purple sunglasses with green reflective lenses, holding a purple garden trow. Three-quarter angle view of square-shaped sunglasses with purple frames and reflective green polarized lenses.

Gardening With A Kraken

Swedish Meatball Hangover-The OGs-RUN goodr-4-goodr sunglasses Swedish Meatball Hangover-The OGs-RUN goodr-1-goodr sunglasses

Swedish Meatball Hangover

A woman in a bright orange outfit stands on a football field wearing bright orange sunglasses with blue mirrored lenses. Three-quarter angle view of translucent bright orange sunglasses with blue reflective lenses on a white background.

Donkey Goggles

ORIGIN STORIES

THE STORY BEHIND THE SHADES

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