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goodrTIMES

AN EXTREME POEM TO AN EXTREME MOTHER

I SKYDIVED INTO A F^&*ING VOLCANO LANDED ON MY TUNGSTEN SURFBOARD RODE WAVES OF LAVA, SCREAMED, “AIN’T NO- -BODY WHO IS THIS HARDCORE!!”

MA SAID, “THAT’S NICE.”

I DROVE A RACECAR OFF OF A SKYSCRAPER ROOF, LANDED ON A SMALLER SKYSCRAPER ROOF, LANDED ON A MEDIUM-SIZE BUILDING’S ROOF, THEN HIT THE GROUND SMOOTH, DID NOT EVEN SAY “OOF.”

MA SAID, “THAT’S NICE.”

I CRUSHED KITZBÜHEL'S STREIF ON HAHNENKAMM MOUNTAIN ONE OF THE MOST DANGEROUS DOWNHILL SKI LANDS 90 MILES PER HOUR, 260 FOOT JUMPS – COUNT ‘EM!!! WHILE SCREAMING, “LOOK MA, NO HANDS!”

MA SAID, “THAT’S NICE.”

I GAVE MA ONE PAIR OF goodr SUNGLASSES, WRAP G, EXTREME WRAPAROUND LENS AND SAID “YOU MAKE OTHER MAs LOOK LIKE DUMBASSES, I LOVE YOU. HOPE YOUR LIFE NEVER ENDS.”

MA SAID, “THAT’S NICE…JUST KIDDING. I LOVE YOU TOO, DUMMY. THANKS FOR THE EXTREMELY SWEET SHADES!!!”