Margs In First Class Origin Story

You step through a velvet curtain into first class. You draw in the scent of pure, unicorn-fart luxury. You see your flight attendants, who've had plastic surgery to look like your parents. They greet you with a warm hug and say they're VERY proud of you.

You sit in a spacious buttery-soft recliner. It feels like your butt’s on an Angora rabbit. Silky. Warm. Pulsing. Like it’s whispering, “I LOVE YOU.” You press a button by the armrest. The recliner transforms into a sumptuous king-size bed. A plush cashmere blanket and 100% Hungarian goose-down pillows slide over you like a warm hug from your hottest ex.

As you slip into euphoria, the flight attendant who looks like your mom places a perfectly chilled margarita in your hand. You take a sip, savoring the tangy lime and tequila; the rim salted with the tears of your enemies. GLORIOUS. You relish the thought of them shedding those tears, all for your delightful refreshment. What fools. HA HA HA HA HA!!!!

You look through the window, admiring the sunset, with its surreal pink-gold clouds. It’s like the sky lifted up its skirt, revealing a gorgeous slice of paradise. And what’s THAT?! Two dragons making love, while flying, leaving trails of sparkling stardust in their wake. Your brain can barely process this. “IS THAT TWO DRAGONS MAKING LOVE, WHILE FLYING?!” Yes. Yes it is. The dragons look back at you and wink, as if to say, "We don't care if you watch, darling. In fact, we prefer it.” Your eyes eat it up and ask for seconds.

GRRRR. Your stomach growls. As if on cue, another attendant—the doppelganger of your father—approaches with a menu. You know what you want: the gourmet T-Rex Marsala. “Is there anything else?” asks Fake Dad . “Our wizards in the kitchen can conjure anything. ‘Cuz they’re literally wizards.”

You think for a moment, then you reply, “Zesty lime fashion-forward gradient Mach G sunglasses called Margs in First Class.” “Excellent choice!” says Fake Dad. “You are NOT a miserable failure at all! Quite the opposite, in fact!” Seconds later, he reappears with the fun, affordable shades. You slip them on and feel an immediate sense of style and comfort, knowing these frames will always bring you back to this magical moment.

(NOTE: This origin story was written by a copywriter who has never flown first class. Some details about the experience may not be 100% accurate.)