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Frequent Skymall Shoppers Origin Story

Frequent Skymall Shoppers Origin Story

A VERY SKYMALL CHRISTMAS


Jayden and Kayla woke up Christmas morning

And ran to their gifts with elation

That faded when they read a jaded note warning:

“Please lower your damn expectations.”

“My elves went on strike, and they make the toys,

I was so mad I punched my wall.

But then I found a magazine and rejoiced --

Here’s some crap from Skymall.”

Jayden hoped that what Santa wrote wasn’t true

And his presents would be super neat

But no, he got a Yeti garden statue

And a glow-in-the-dark toilet seat

As for Kayla, she felt overwhelming despair

The presents made her want to cry

She got a laser helmet for regrowing hair

And a watch saying what time she’ll die

“But wait,” said Jayden. “Let’s go check our stockings!

They might have treats or toy soldiers!”

But the offerings inside the stockings were shocking:

Dog lips and umbrella holders.

“Damnit!” said Kayla. “This year is so fucked!”

And just when she was at her maddest,

Jayden found two gifts hiding by the sofa:

Frequent Skymall Shoppers sunglasses

The note said “To Jayden and Kayla from C.,

A flamingo who loves to drink beer

Here’s sunnies, good buddies! Do one thing for me,

Be extremely naughty next year.”

LOOK FLY

STYLIST AVIATOR SUNNIES FOR EVERYONE

BEST SELLER A woman in a black jumpsuit and black aviator sunglasses with black non-reflective lenses looks ahead fiercely. Three-quarter angle view of black aviator sunglasses with black non-reflective lenses.

Operation: Blackout

A woman wearing navy blue aviator sunglasses with dark amber lenses smiles softly looking off into the distance. Three-quarter angle view of navy blue aviator sunglasses with dark amber gradient lenses.

Frequent Skymall Shoppers

A fluffy stuffed flamingo wearing pink aviator sunglasses with mirrored reflective teal lenses. Three-quarter angle view of pink aviator sunglasses with mirrored reflective teal lenses.

Carl Is My Co-Pilot

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ORIGIN STORIES

THE STORY BEHIND THE SHADES

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