Flex G Origin Story

In a sun-drenched studio with mirrored walls and carpeted pink floors that creaked under the weight of enthusiastic spandex-clad steps, the aerobics studio was a vibrant spectacle of color and energy. The walls were adorned with neon signs spouting inspirational slogans like “FEEL THE BURN.” A boombox sat prominently at the front of the stage, blasting an upbeat mix of synth-pop and high-energy dance tracks while svelte housewives in brightly patterned dancewear stretched throughout the room. The faint odor of cheese and sweat mingled with the scent of hairspray.

Carl the Flamingo felt slightly intimidated, as it was his first time doing aerobics. He took a space towards the back of the room and did some half-assed stretching in his gray sweats.

The instructor appeared at the head of the room. She was overly made up in her metallic party pink lipstick and frosted blue eyeshadow. Her crunchy, permed hair was corralled by a terrycloth headband. Her thong leotard disappeared in the crack of her shapely derrière, clinging to her body like a second skin.

“I’m Jackie, and this is FLEXrobics!!! Alright, everyone, are you ready to SWEAT?!” She cheered. The class ‘woo-ed’ with enthusiasm. Carl wasn’t so sure.

“Let’s start with a quick warm-up. Follow my lead! OK, now here we go—let’s start with some basic marching in place. And 5, 6, 7, 8… that’s it! Lift those knees, ladies! Let’s work off those pepperoni thighs!”

“RUDE!” Carl thought to himself, but the class followed along, their arms swinging, their feet stomping. He followed along, too.

“Great! Now, let’s take it to a step-touch. Step to the right, touch, step to the left, touch. And 5, 6, 7, 8. Nice and smooth! Let’s eradicate those cottage cheese booties!” She chirped.

Carl looked around the room to see if any of the other women were bothered by her snarky “motivations,” but they carried on like lemmings. The young woman beside him bounced with infectious energy, her ponytail bobbing with each step.

“Now, let’s move into some side lunges. Step to the right, bend that knee and switch. And 5, 6, 7, 8. Lunge and switch! Come on, you lazy old bags. My grandmother can do better than that!!!” She exclaimed, her face contorted into a look of pure disgust.

That was the final straw. Carl ran to the front of the classroom and pushed Jackie off the stage. “Get bent, you judgmental cow!!! Do you think Richard Simmons became successful by criticizing people?!” He turned to the class. “You don’t have to take this! You are ENOUGH!!! You are perfect just the way you are!!!” He yelled, exasperated, as he kept aerobicizing, his moves reflecting urgency and passion. He stripped off his sweats to reveal a sequined tank top and hot pink dolphin shorts beneath. The class erupted in hollers of excitement and began mimicking his moves.

Carl continued the high-intensity segments, showcasing powerful kicks and jumps, demonstrating perfect form. He punctuated the routine with dramatic poses, incorporating jazz hands and exaggerated expressions to convey encouragement and fun.

“AND FLEX. AND FLEX,” Carl encouraged as he introduced a move he called the shrimp thrust. “After this, we’ll all go grab beers and tacos and scam guys at the cantina down the street!!!”

We probably don’t have to tell you what happened next. Per usual, security showed up and dragged Carl off the stage, kicking and screaming in defiance, as Jackie looked on, her face smug with satisfaction.

As he waited patiently to be booked down at the station, still soaked with sweat, he realized that aerobic exercise was no joke. It inspired him to create a totally NEW frame style, naturally called the Flex G, after his experience at FLEXrobics. Half-rim frames with adjustable nosepads that follow your every move, whether you’re shrimp thrusting or sliding into third.