A Unicorn's Calamity Origin Story
We were stoked when Carl the Flamingo’s ex-lover, Reginald the Unicorn, stopped by recently to collaborate on a revolutionary NEW pair of sunglasses. She has a certain je ne sais quoi that would be perfect for creating a pair of sunglasses, the likes of which the world has never seen before!!!
Carl and Reginald donned their lab coats and safety goggles and began experimenting. After an hours-long flurry of mixing potions and elixirs, swirling beakers, and playing irresponsibly with Bunsen burners, they had it. THE PERFECT FORMULA.
“Wait, this needs just one more thing, Carl. A touch of REAL unicorn magic!!!” Reginald said as she turned her rump towards the massive swirling vat of perfect formula they had created and let out a toot. A glittering cotton candy-scented rainbow cloud appeared and dissipated over the churning mixture below.
“OMG, Reginald, you are so gross!” Carl laughed and gave her a playful shove. “Now everyone’s going to get pink eye!”
“No, YOU’RE gross!” She neighed and shoved him in the shoulder with her golden hoof.
Their playful shoving match quickly escalated into tragedy when Carl shoved her back just a little too hard, causing Reginald to lose her footing and fall over the safety railing into the giant vat of formula they were mixing below.
“Reginald!!! NOOO!!!” Carl yelled as he tried to grab her leg. It was too late. She had plunged deep into the mixture and disappeared below the surface. A kaleidoscope of sparkly rainbow goo bubbled up, contaminating the formula. Carl buried his head in his feathered hands and sobbed.
When he finally opened his eyes and looked down, he noticed the mixture had turned into a black goo reminiscent of tar and smelled sweet, like black licorice. “Huh. That’s interesting! I had completely forgotten that when you combine all of the colors of the rainbow, you get black!” (His eccentric middle-school art teacher, Ms. Madison, would be SO proud.)
Carl wasn’t going to let Reginald die in vain.* He decided right then and there that he was going to release THE most perfect pair of pure black OG shades that goodr had ever created! Black frames, black logo, black lenses. They would be revolutionary! They would contain 15% more darkness than ever! Infused with REAL unicorn magic!!! He would call them A Unicorn’s Calamity in honor of Reginald.
(*The actual research scientists at goodr were able to bring Reginald back to life using a top-secret combination of distillation, a corpse, and electricity, but that’s a story for another day…)
