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goodrTIMES

ANSWERS TO 3 BATSH*T CRAZY QUESTIONS ABOUT NAEON-FLUX CAPACITOR SUNGLASSES

This week we were super excited to release our new, futuristic line of VRG sunglasses. That is, until we checked our email, and saw some weirdos had batsh*t crazy questions about the Naeon Flux Capacitor style. Here’s what we wrote back:

Dear goodr,

So sorry to see you are selling Naeon Flux Capacitor sunglasses. Since you are telling people to go back in time and bone their mom, I will not be purchasing your products. It’s fine for individual employees to go back in time and bone their mom, but not to tell customers to go back in time and bone your mom as part of a campaign.

America is a great country and I don’t want to go back in time and bone my mom. And I certainly hope no future children of mine come back in time to bone me. Shame on you. Why are you encouraging me to go back in and bone my mom?!?!

Sincerely,

Ethel

Dear Ethel,

Thanks for reaching out! We’re so sorry to hear our Naeon Flux Capacitor sunglasses are so offensive to you, as this was not our intent.

Here at goodr, we do not encourage consumers to go back in time and bone their mom. We encourage consumers to go back in time and BONE SOMEONE. We don’t care who. Just get your freak on.

Thank you,

goodr


Dear goodr,

I am OUTRAGED you are selling shades called Naeon Flux Capacitor. That name encourages children to become tall scantily clad nihilistic anarchist acrobatic assassins. And I want my children to be short obese bundled-up existentialist fascist clumsy hippies. When I read “Naeon Flux Capacitor,” I was so startled, I spilled my coffee. Can you send me a new coffee?

Best,

Tucker

Dear Tucker,

No.

Thank you,

goodr


Dear Goodr,

HOW DARE YOU!?!?!??!! THE NAME “NAEON FLUX CAPACITOR” IS AN ABOMINATION!!!! PORTMANTEAUS ARE EVIL! EVIL, I SAY! FIRST THEY MADE “CHORTLE” FROM “CHUCKLE” AND “SNORT.” THEN THEY MADE “SMOG” FROM “SMOG” AND “FOG.” THEN THEY MADE “BRUNCH” FROM “BREAKFAST” AND “LUNCH.” WHEN DOES IT END?! WHEN DOES IT ALL END?!?!??!?!

Yours,

Quinn

Dear Quinn,

It’s “goodr,” not “Goodr.” We quit reading after that. Spell our name right if you want a response.

F*ck off,

goodr

man getting chased by delorean while wearing neon green sunglasses

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