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goodrTIMES

  • ORIGIN STORIES
    • VRGs
    • THE FUTURE IS VOID
    • NAEON FLUX CAPACITOR
    • VOIGHT-KAMPFF VISION
    • SEE YOU AT THE PARTY, RICHTER
    • MACH Gs
    • CLUBHOUSE CLOSEOUT
    • TALES FROM THE GREENSKEEPER
    • AMELIA EARHART GHOSTED ME
    • BUZZED ON THE TOWER
    • CAPTAIN BLUNT'S RED-EYE
    • FREQUENT SKYMALL SHOPPERS
    • KITTY HAWKERS' RAY BLOCKERS
    • OPERATION: BLACKOUT
    • OGs
    • A GINGER'S SOUL
    • DON'T FLOCK WITH A FLAMINGO
    • WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA
    • PROFESSIONAL RESPAWNER
    • SIDE SCROLL EYE ROLL
    • MODERN DAY SNAKE OIL
    • BLUE SHADES OF DEATH
    • ELECTRIC DINOTOPIA CARNIVAL
    • SILVERBACK SQUAT MOBILITY
    • THESE SHADES ARE TRASH
    • DON'T TAB SHAME ME
    • LOST IN TRANSITION
    • BFGs
    • HOOKED ON ONYX
    • IT'S NOT JUST A GAME
    • CITRON+ALT+DELETE
    • MINT JULEP ELECTROSHOCKS
    • DO YOU EVEN PISTOL, FLAMINGO?
    • RUNWAYS
    • WORKIN' IT FROM HOME
    • MARY QUEEN OF GOLF
    • RAGE QUIT IT AND HIT IT
    • GINGHAM IS SOOO LAST SEASON
    • HAUTE DAY IN HELL
    • VEGAN FRIENDLY COUTURE
    • FAST AS SHELL
    • CIRCLE Gs
    • FADE-ER-ADE SHADES
    • I'M WEARING BURGUNDY
    • IT'S NOT BLACK, IT'S OBSIDIAN
    • INSERT COIN TO CONTINUE
    • FRESHLY BAKED MAN BUNS
    • INFLUENCERS PAY DOUBLE
    • I PICKLED THESE MYSELF
    • MIDNIGHT RAMBLE AT THE CIRCLE BAR
    • NINE DOLLAR POUR OVER
    • STRANGE THINGS ARE AFOOT AT THE CIRCLE G
    • STOP, DROP AND SCROLL
    • BODHI'S ULTIMATE WAVE
  • SPORTS
    • IN THE WILD
    • RUNNING [WITH A DONKEY] IS FUN?
    • YOUR BEST RUNNING FRIEND
    • THIS IS A GAMER
    • FASTEST KNOWN TIME OR FUNNEST KNOWN TIME
    • LIVING MY BEST LIFE BEING A MOM FIRST
    • WHAT WE TALK ABOUT WHEN NOT TALKING ABOUT RUNNING
    • ANIMAL CROSSING ISLAND
    • WHAT THE HELL IS A BEAST?
    • OFFICIAL SUNGLASSES OF THE OCR WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS
    • SATURDAY MORNING IN THE GRAND CANYON
    • A BLIND BEAST KNOWS NO BOUNDARIES
    • RUNNING THE BARKLEY IS FUN?
    • BIG CAT BADASS
    • BUT FIRST HAPPINESS
    • LOS PADRES TRAVERSE FKT
    • JAVELINA JUNDRED RACE RECAP
    • OFFICIAL SUNGLASS PARTNER OF USA WEIGHTLIFTING
    • WE'RE AN AVATAR
    • GOODR UP YOUR GAME WITH ANIMAL CROSSING PATTERNS
    • ON THE FENCE ABOUT SPIN CLASS!?
    • PEDICABS IN NYC
    • FLAMBOYANCE
    • GOODR STAFF DEBUNK THE GAMER STIGMA
    • CLG & FRENDZ DEBUNK THE GAMER STIGMA
    • THE FLAMBOYANCE DEBUNKS THE GAMER STIGMA
    • A GOODR WEDDING
    • A CHAT WITH ALEXI PAPPAS
    • RACE RECAPS
    • IT'S OKAY TO HATE VIRTUAL RACES
    • CARL'S TOUR DE FRANCE RECAP 2020
    • SPEED PROJECT 2019
    • TIPS & TRICKS
    • RUNNING WHILE HIGH
    • IT'S NOT A BOGEY, IT'S A FLAMINGO
  • SHENANIGANS
    • IN THE PRESS
    • A TALE OF THE GOODR CABANA
    • GOODR x REEBOK
    • PARTNERING WITH BIGGEST ESPORTS ARENA IN NORTH AMERICA!
    • SEASON 03 OF CULTURE GOODR IS OUT
    • YOU HAD ME AT DUNKIN'
    • THE ROLLING STONES X COSMIC CRYSTALS
    • COSMIC CRYSTALS
    • THE ROLLING STONES ALBUM SERIES
    • THE FUTURE IS VRG
    • ROLLING STONES HOT LIPS
    • GAME GOODR PARTNERS WITH CLG
    • WONDER WOMAN SEQUEL
    • NEW CATEYE SUNGLASSES
    • POW! BAM! BATMAN SUNGLASSES!
    • GOODR PARTNERS WITH PABST BLUE RIBBON
    • WONDER WOMAN 1984 SUNGLASSES
    • GOODR RELEASES AVIATORS
    • RUNNER'S WORLD GEAR OF THE YEAR
    • goodr GIVES BACK
    • GOODR x DENVER ZOO
    • BLACK LIVES MATTER
    • GOODR x 1% FOR THE PLANET RECYCLED SUNGLASSES
    • SOCAL SPECIAL OLYMPICS COLLAB
    • 100% CARBON NEUTRAL
    • FUN
    • GIFT GUIDE
    • BEHIND THE DREAMS: THE CIRCLING
    • DEEP DIVE
    • THE BEST RUNNING SUNGLASSES GUIDE ON THE ENTIRE INTERNET
    • COMPANY CULTURE WHILE WORKING REMOTELY
  • CULTURE
    • CULTURE GOODR PODCAST
    • BLACKOUT TUESDAY
    • CREATE MEANINGFUL CONNECTIONS
    • GOODR'S ECOSYSTEM
  • ORIGIN STORIES Open subnav
    • VRGs
    • THE FUTURE IS VOID
    • NAEON FLUX CAPACITOR
    • VOIGHT-KAMPFF VISION
    • SEE YOU AT THE PARTY, RICHTER
    • MACH Gs
    • CLUBHOUSE CLOSEOUT
    • TALES FROM THE GREENSKEEPER
    • AMELIA EARHART GHOSTED ME
    • BUZZED ON THE TOWER
    • CAPTAIN BLUNT'S RED-EYE
    • FREQUENT SKYMALL SHOPPERS
    • KITTY HAWKERS' RAY BLOCKERS
    • OPERATION: BLACKOUT
    • OGs
    • A GINGER'S SOUL
    • DON'T FLOCK WITH A FLAMINGO
    • WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA
    • PROFESSIONAL RESPAWNER
    • SIDE SCROLL EYE ROLL
    • MODERN DAY SNAKE OIL
    • BLUE SHADES OF DEATH
    • ELECTRIC DINOTOPIA CARNIVAL
    • SILVERBACK SQUAT MOBILITY
    • THESE SHADES ARE TRASH
    • DON'T TAB SHAME ME
    • LOST IN TRANSITION
    • BFGs
    • HOOKED ON ONYX
    • IT'S NOT JUST A GAME
    • CITRON+ALT+DELETE
    • MINT JULEP ELECTROSHOCKS
    • DO YOU EVEN PISTOL, FLAMINGO?
    • RUNWAYS
    • WORKIN' IT FROM HOME
    • MARY QUEEN OF GOLF
    • RAGE QUIT IT AND HIT IT
    • GINGHAM IS SOOO LAST SEASON
    • HAUTE DAY IN HELL
    • VEGAN FRIENDLY COUTURE
    • FAST AS SHELL
    • CIRCLE Gs
    • FADE-ER-ADE SHADES
    • I'M WEARING BURGUNDY
    • IT'S NOT BLACK, IT'S OBSIDIAN
    • INSERT COIN TO CONTINUE
    • FRESHLY BAKED MAN BUNS
    • INFLUENCERS PAY DOUBLE
    • I PICKLED THESE MYSELF
    • MIDNIGHT RAMBLE AT THE CIRCLE BAR
    • NINE DOLLAR POUR OVER
    • STRANGE THINGS ARE AFOOT AT THE CIRCLE G
    • STOP, DROP AND SCROLL
    • BODHI'S ULTIMATE WAVE
  • SPORTS Open subnav
    • IN THE WILD
    • RUNNING [WITH A DONKEY] IS FUN?
    • YOUR BEST RUNNING FRIEND
    • THIS IS A GAMER
    • FASTEST KNOWN TIME OR FUNNEST KNOWN TIME
    • LIVING MY BEST LIFE BEING A MOM FIRST
    • WHAT WE TALK ABOUT WHEN NOT TALKING ABOUT RUNNING
    • ANIMAL CROSSING ISLAND
    • WHAT THE HELL IS A BEAST?
    • OFFICIAL SUNGLASSES OF THE OCR WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS
    • SATURDAY MORNING IN THE GRAND CANYON
    • A BLIND BEAST KNOWS NO BOUNDARIES
    • RUNNING THE BARKLEY IS FUN?
    • BIG CAT BADASS
    • BUT FIRST HAPPINESS
    • LOS PADRES TRAVERSE FKT
    • JAVELINA JUNDRED RACE RECAP
    • OFFICIAL SUNGLASS PARTNER OF USA WEIGHTLIFTING
    • WE'RE AN AVATAR
    • GOODR UP YOUR GAME WITH ANIMAL CROSSING PATTERNS
    • ON THE FENCE ABOUT SPIN CLASS!?
    • PEDICABS IN NYC
    • FLAMBOYANCE
    • GOODR STAFF DEBUNK THE GAMER STIGMA
    • CLG & FRENDZ DEBUNK THE GAMER STIGMA
    • THE FLAMBOYANCE DEBUNKS THE GAMER STIGMA
    • A GOODR WEDDING
    • A CHAT WITH ALEXI PAPPAS
    • RACE RECAPS
    • IT'S OKAY TO HATE VIRTUAL RACES
    • CARL'S TOUR DE FRANCE RECAP 2020
    • SPEED PROJECT 2019
    • TIPS & TRICKS
    • RUNNING WHILE HIGH
    • IT'S NOT A BOGEY, IT'S A FLAMINGO
  • SHENANIGANS Open subnav
    • IN THE PRESS
    • A TALE OF THE GOODR CABANA
    • GOODR x REEBOK
    • PARTNERING WITH BIGGEST ESPORTS ARENA IN NORTH AMERICA!
    • SEASON 03 OF CULTURE GOODR IS OUT
    • YOU HAD ME AT DUNKIN'
    • THE ROLLING STONES X COSMIC CRYSTALS
    • COSMIC CRYSTALS
    • THE ROLLING STONES ALBUM SERIES
    • THE FUTURE IS VRG
    • ROLLING STONES HOT LIPS
    • GAME GOODR PARTNERS WITH CLG
    • WONDER WOMAN SEQUEL
    • NEW CATEYE SUNGLASSES
    • POW! BAM! BATMAN SUNGLASSES!
    • GOODR PARTNERS WITH PABST BLUE RIBBON
    • WONDER WOMAN 1984 SUNGLASSES
    • GOODR RELEASES AVIATORS
    • RUNNER'S WORLD GEAR OF THE YEAR
    • goodr GIVES BACK
    • GOODR x DENVER ZOO
    • BLACK LIVES MATTER
    • GOODR x 1% FOR THE PLANET RECYCLED SUNGLASSES
    • SOCAL SPECIAL OLYMPICS COLLAB
    • 100% CARBON NEUTRAL
    • FUN
    • GIFT GUIDE
    • BEHIND THE DREAMS: THE CIRCLING
    • DEEP DIVE
    • THE BEST RUNNING SUNGLASSES GUIDE ON THE ENTIRE INTERNET
    • COMPANY CULTURE WHILE WORKING REMOTELY
  • CULTURE Open subnav
    • CULTURE GOODR PODCAST
    • BLACKOUT TUESDAY
    • CREATE MEANINGFUL CONNECTIONS
    • GOODR'S ECOSYSTEM

THE NEW PROSPECTOR ORIGIN STORY

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are either products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. It’s called CYA people!!! We don’t want the lizard people coming after us.

Our copywriter witnessed these disturbing events at a fellow goodr employee’s retirement party. We saw no need to change Carl the Flamingo’s name since everyone knows he is never innocent.

“Hey Tofutti Sherry, congratulations on your retirement!!! Uh, that’s an interesting outfit you’re wearing today. Are you doing anything special or just planning to kick back and relax now that you’re officially off the hamster wheel?”

“Carl, I am going out of my mind!!! I feel like my neighborhood has become overrun by an alien reptile cult. I swear every night they’re rummaging through the garbage cans out back for expired dairy products because they’re looking to get drunk.

“I am growing increasingly weary of my neighbors and local business people. I swear they’re all extraterrestrial vampires looking to absorb my soul. I went to pick up some water pills at the pharmacy the other night. When the pharmacist rang me up, I swear he had a nictitating membrane when he winked at me. It was creepy as sh*t!!”

Carl looked around nervously, wondering if anyone else was hearing this. A few people standing nearby seemed to scatter like roaches when Carl tried to give them the “please rescue me or you’re fired!!!” glance.

“Oh yeah? I’m sure it was just your imagination Tofutti Sherry!! Maybe you were just hallucinating from using the hot glue gun all day?”

Tofutti Sherry carried on, oblivious, “I think the only solution is for me to start a new life on an off-world colony prospecting for orgone and manufacturing my own orgone blasters. These orgone pucks I’ve been buying in bulk on Amazon just haven’t been cutting it. But, if you want something done right, you have to do it yourself, right?! That’s why I picked up a mining claim from the USDA Forest Service Lunar Division on eBay last week for just $2,500. I am so flippin’ excited!!!”

“Uhm, I don’t want to be rude, but what the hell is orgone?” Carl asked.

“Oh hey, TofuttiSherry? Your ride is here!!!” Someone from the warehouse interjected before Carl could get a response.

At that moment Tofutti Sherry stripped off her hazmat suit, revealing the antique gold miner’s prospecting outfit beneath. She took a mining pick and lantern out of her locker, then ran towards the loading dock where a loud whirring sound and bright lights illuminated the open warehouse door.

“What the hell is happening?!” people could be heard shrieking. Concerned, everyone ran towards the loading dock and were shocked to see her board a flying saucer.

“It’s been real everyone!!! Thanks so much for everything. Take care of yourselves and beware the lizard people!!!” She yelled as the saucer flew up and away.

“Well that was super f*cking weird…” Carl reflected, knocking back a shot of Fireball to settle his nerves.

A few weeks later Tofutti Sherry sent a few cases of hand-crafted orgone pucks to the goodr Lagoon, via special delivery. Carl had them melted down and added to these stellar black PHG sunnies* with purple lenses.

*Further research still needs to be done to determine if they have any EMF reducing properties (and we’re not talking about that band from the 90s.)

PHG | The New Prospector sunglasses origin story bleed image

READ MORE IN 2022

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