THESE NEW SNOW GS ARE SNOW JOKE!!!
We thought it was a little strange at our recent product meeting when we saw that Carl the Flamingo had a whole karaoke setup rigged in our conference room. Apparently the idea for these incredible Snow G snow goggles was actually planted in his brain way back in 1990 when he heard Weird Al’s parody, “The White Stuff,” while enjoying a hot toddy apres ski at Sugarbush Mountain. After indulging in several alcoholic beverages at the lodge, he wrote this little earworm. We had the displeasure of hearing it LIVE at our meeting:
“The white stuff The white stuff
The first track was a sweet one Second slope was a blast Soon I finished off the trails, tore 'em up real fast
You can see it in my eyes Feel it in my thighs (OW!) Ate so much fresh powder, I’m Rocky Mountain high
I love the white stuff, baby In the middle of snow cardio I love the white stuff, baby It's the most bodacious thing I know…”
“This song is about as fresh as the garbage I force people to rummage through!” Crazy Eddy interrupted. “We get it!!!! You were inspired to make THE BEST snow goggles after another one of your countless sordid adventures. Why don’t you just tell us about what makes these snow goggles different. And let’s hustle it up here, they’re about to toss the lunch leftovers into the dumpster over at Fusion Palace and I don’t want to miss out on the congealed shrimp lo mein AGAIN.”
At that point the visiting research panel of 80s movie Ski Patrol villains got pissed off (or should we say, piste-off?!) and booted Crazy Eddy from the room.
Carl proceeded to tell us all about the Snow Gs.
“These Snow Gs are available in three totally radical styles: Apres All Day, Bunny Slope Dropout (my personal favorite), and Here for the Hot Toddies.
“There’s something for everyone. I don’t care if you’re a bunny hill bomber or a black diamond legend, there’s a pair for you… And you. Yes, even YOU!!
“They come with two sets of polycarbonate lenses, including one for low light conditions. You can easily swap lenses when conditions change for improved visibility. The lenses have an anti-fog AND anti-glare coating, AND they offer full UV400 protection. Plus they’re ventilated so they won’t steam up, even while skiing with Fabio.
“PLUS they have an adjustable strap with a silicon grip so they’re, of course, NO SLIP!”
At that point all five of the 80s movie Ski Patrol villains we invited gave Carl a standing ovation. Carl then served us all hot toddies and let us try them on. Which is why we can say with confidence that, “5 out of 5 80s movie Ski Patrol villains said they would recommend shredding slopes in these Snow Gs.”
(Poor Crazy Eddy watched enviously with his little wet opossum nose pressed up to the conference room window while the rest of us collectively and drunkenly busted out Carl’s version of The White Stuff.)
THE SUNNIES THAT STARTED IT ALL
THE STORY BEHIND THE SHADES