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goodrTIMES

CARL’S HOT HUSTLIN’ AS A SUCCESSFUL CAM-MINGO


Like many people, you’ve probably considered ways to earn extra income working from home. You may not know this, but Carl the Flamingo’s main source of income is actually from being a successful CAM-mingo. This whole sunglasses thing is just a side hustle he does for amusement and to give his pal Stephen Lease a little pocket money. We know you’re probably dying to get into the cam scene so we tapped Carl for his top tips on how to run a successful cam business. Here’s his advice:

“Never underestimate the power of incorporating food into your act. One of my most popular acts is filling a bathtub with instant mashed potatoes and then pouring gravy seductively all over myself with a watering can. Then I just writhe around in the potatoes like I’m in ecstasy. If you try this, be sure to provocatively suck some mashed potatoes and gravy off of your fingers, feathers, hooves - whatever you’ve got going on. Some birds may have a problem with this routine because it fetishizes cannibalism and the consumption of poultry. F*ck ‘em. Pro-tip: I can double the amount of cash I rake in if I invite Teddy the Turkey into the tub with me as well. Since I can only kill him once, I am saving that for my big bang exit routine when I plan to retire from the cam business. Hello, retirement fund!!!”

“Double-up on your productivity. People will pay good money to watch you do your chores. Why are you killing yourself, trying to make your house sparkling clean and smelling fresh for that ungrateful cousin of yours, for NADA in return?! (I’m looking at you Teddy!!! Freaking deadbeat.) Trust me, people want to watch your pink feathered booty bouncing up and down while you suggestively scrub the toilet. Be sure to snap your rubber gloves for any latex or rubber fetishists that may be watching. (CHA-CHING!!!) Misting yourself seductively with an all-purpose “cleaning solution” can also be a nice touch. (Just use H2O, duh.) Althooough, some people may find it a turn-on if you use an actual cleaning solution and end up gasping for air and screaming about your eyes burning. Whatever. You do you.”

“Don’t worry if you’re uncomfortable being nekkid or gettin’ down and dirty on camera. Just get creative!!! You’d be surprised by how many unique individuals there are out there who will pay good money for the most mundane stuff you can imagine. No nudity required. One of my favorite ways to earn passive income is by strapping on - hold up, get your mind out of the gutter, geez - Strapping a GO-PRO cam to my “exotic” flamingo ankles so they can watch my alluring and sensual flamingo feet as I carry on throughout my day. I do diddly squat and I’m raking in $$$$ from people with a flamingo-foot fetish. I’m literally getting paid just for having feet.”

Carl also let us know that one of the most popular personas he puts on for his CAM-mingo hustle is that of a sexy librarian. You too can channel a sexy librarian with a pair of these NEW Workin’ It From Home goodrs, inspired by Carl’s thriving cam hustle.

So good luck with that whole cam thing, and don’t forget to subscribe to Carl’s cam service!!!

(Shortly after publishing this story, we found out that Carl’s cam profile was shut down by the United States Department of Agriculture on corruption of poultry charges.)

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