A GAMER’S ANGRY RANT AFTER SOMEONE IN THE CHAT SAID “IT’S JUST A GAME”
“It’s JUST a game?! Really? Really? It’s JUST a game?! Would you say that to LeBron James after losing the NBA Finals? Would you say that to Tom Brady after losing the Super Bowl? Would you say that to Taisto Miettinen after losing the World Wife Carrying Championship? No! No! You wouldn’t! You stupid horrible depsicable piece of trash!
“JUST a game?! No! You’re a lazy human being! I’m an e-sports legend! I’m the pinnacle of e-athletic prowess! I’m an e-addonis! I’m an e-genius! I’m an e-elitist! WHAT ARE YOU?! Nothing! YOU’RE NOTHING! All you do is push buttons on a keyboard typing crap in a chat! I push buttons on a controller making avatars do my bidding like a golden god!
“JUST?! A?! GAME?! NO! NO NO NO NO NO! I’m accomplishing humanity’s greatest achievements! I’m Neil Armstrong walking on the moon! I’m Michaelangelo painting the Sistine Chapel ceiling! I’m Shakespeare writing Hamlet! I’m Marie Curie pioneering the study of radiation! I’m Amelia Earhart flying solo across the Atlantic! I’M AWESOME!
“Don’t ever say it’s just a game! When you say that, you accept failure! And when you stop getting furious after losing, you lose again! Me? I always get poop-my-pants-mad ‘cause I wanna be perfect! Like my “It’s Not Just A Game” goodr sunglasses. And no, I’m not getting paid to say that. I WANNA SAY IT! I WANNA! Now let’s back to playing Ms. Pacman.”
(Retro gaming personality Gavin the Grouse, aka GamingGrouse43, delivered this rant on his livestream on Friday, September 18, 2020. His friend Carl the Flamingo made fun of him a lot afterward, and has not stopped, to this day. Nor will he.)