AN HONEST PLEA TO SMART, ATTRACTIVE CONSUMERS
Hey, you there! Yes, you! I can tell by your savvy intelligence AND your striking beauty that you know the value of a good deal! When a good deal saunters by, you don’t stick your head in the sand like an ostrich! You stick your tongue down its throat like a flamingo!
Now, it’s true: This dadgum flabbergasting nastly ghastly pandemic has been cancelling every event in sight. But there’s some things it can’t cancel: The sun, and video games. You’re going to want to play some games to escape the pain and walk outside to squawk with pride! And there’s no better prize to protect your eyes than GAME goodr sunglasses!
See, five of these stupendous tremendous not-at-all pretentious styles feature Blue Mirage Technology! That’s right, Blue Mirage Technology! What’s that, you ask? I’m glad you did! They block blue light right off the grid! You see, blue light is allegedly harmful, causing all your ailments, derailments, and impalements. You can’t afford not to take it!
So, plunk down 25 buckaroos on Modern Day Snake Oil! If you don’t trust snake oil, you don’t know the truth! See, Chinese railroad workers brought Chinese water snake oil to the United States in the 1800’s and it was a legitimate medicine to reduce inflammation and treat arthritis and bursitis. At least, that’s what NPR says. Would you call THEM liars?!?!?
Yes, “snake oil” is slang for “a substance with no real medicinal value sold as a remedy for all diseases.” That’s because the American huckster Clark Stanley, aka The Rattlesnake King, marketed bogus snake oil as a medicine before getting busted in 1917. You can trust snake oil, but not snake oil. Get it? Of course you do. Now pay up!
DON'T RAGE QUIT NOW!
If you play side-scrolling video games, then you are at high risk for contracting Side Scroll Eye Roll Disease. Here...
Dear Elon Musk, We know you’re busy recording terrible EDM songs and getting high with Joe Rogan, but we...
Hello! -- Wakka! Where is the bathroom? -- Wakka wakka wakka wakka? Do you speak English? -- Wakka wakka wakka...