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Origin Story

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  • Captain Blunt's Red-Eye Origin Story
    April 26, 2023

    Captain Blunt's Red-Eye Origin Story

    TEENAGERS FURIOUS NO MARIJUANA ON CAPTAIN BLUNT’S RED-EYE After graduating from Rancho Cucamonga High School on June 12, 2015, best friends Jacob Vandestreek and Austin LaRocco planned a crazy adventure: Take “Captain Blunt’s Red-Eye” from San Francisco, CA, to Sydney,...

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  • Buzzed on the Tower Origin Story
    April 25, 2023

    Buzzed on the Tower Origin Story

    HOW CARL THE FLAMINGO CREATED AVIATOR SUNGLASSES Once upon a time, there was a flamingo CEO named Carl, who loved friends, family and his employees--hahahahahahaha. Sorry. Couldn’t type that with a straight hand. Carl loved getting f***ed up on piña...

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  • I Pickled These Myself Origin Story
    April 25, 2023

    I Pickled These Myself Origin Story

    MYSTERIOUS POEM ABOUT PICKLING HIPSTER DISCOVERED IN AUSTIN, TEXAS The following poem was scrawled in Graffiti Park on Castle Hill in Austin, Texas, on March 9, 2020: There Once Was A Hipster From Austin There once was a hipster from...

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  • Nine Dollar Pour Over Origin Story
    April 25, 2023

    Nine Dollar Pour Over Origin Story

    Round hipster glasses for the low price of 2.7 overpriced coffees. So many humans have their morning routines. They wake up and go to the same spot to get coffee, or fuel up their vehicle, or pick up some morning...

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  • Influencers Pay Double Origin Story
    April 25, 2023

    Influencers Pay Double Origin Story

    Being an influencer is hard work. You have to like, get up in the morning, share, go pee, share, drink some meal shake that's kind of okay and has questionable health benefits, share that. Then you probably commute on something...

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  • Fast As Shell Origin Story
    April 25, 2023

    Fast As Shell Origin Story

    Veronica was a fashion editor that always knew what was hot without even trying. And, in fact, made things hot by choosing them for her publication. She was once played by Meryl Streep in the little known film The Devil...

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  • Do You Even Pistol, Flamingo? Origin Story
    April 25, 2023

    Do You Even Pistol, Flamingo? Origin Story

    It’s obvious that the flamingo would be the best at pistols in all of the animal kingdom. The flamingos around the world take so much pride in their pistoling ability that they hold The Flamingo CrossFit Games annually every August...

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  • Flamingos on a Booze Cruise Origin Story
    April 25, 2023

    Flamingos on a Booze Cruise Origin Story

    Back in the summer of ’71, the Board of Directors of goodr met in the Cancun office, which was located on one of the many pristine beaches in the area.  Halfway through the morning board meeting, we ran out of...

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  • Iced by Yetis Origin Story
    April 25, 2023

    Iced by Yetis Origin Story

    A foolhardy adventure? Maybe. A needlessly dangerous excursion? Possibly. The fever dream of a New York City office bro?  Probably? The last chance for a set of hopeless romantics to prove their self-worth in a most irrational way? Most assuredly. It...

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  • stay fly Ornithologists origin story polarized running sunglasses
    February 25, 2022

    Stay Fly, Ornithologists Origin Story

    On Wednesday, two ornithologists at the Natural Avian Museum released the single “Stay Fly, Ornithologists.” The song features a bubbling pop-rap beat and lyrics full of cheesy bird puns. The ornithologists added that they are each going through an existential...

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  • PHG | Fossil Finding Focals green polarized circle sunglasses
    February 25, 2022

    Fossil Finding Focals Origin Story

    In the mood for an adventure? Why not go on a fossil finding expedition?! Fossil finding is like getting in nature’s time machine to travel back thousands of years without the exorbitant cost!!! And the best part is, you don’t...

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