MASTER OF FLAMINGOS ORIGIN STORY
MAKE YOUR OWN AUGUSTA PIMENTO CHEESE SANDWICH
Yeah, yeah, yeah, the grass at the Augusta National Golf Club is the most pristine in all the land. We’re not here to talk about grass though… What about those sandwiches?!!
As iconic and illustrious as the course’s white and pink azaleas, the famous Augusta Pimento has been a concession stand staple for 66 years. For an honest $1.50, served in a fairway-green plastic baggy, fans often bring these home to freeze for a later date. It’s all in the pimento cheese, which is just a variation of cheddar cheese, mayonnaise, and pimentos. There have been many failed attempts to recreate the famous recipe. Spoiler alert: Not possible, but definitely worth a shot (see below for our recipe recommendation).
About 7 years ago the Masters’ pimento situation went to shit. In 1998, the club switched vendors from their OG caterer, Nick Rangos of South Carolina, to the local Wife Saver restaurant in Augusta. Rangos is credited with the creation of the famed pimento cheese sandwich and refused to share his recipe in his breakup with Augusta Golf Club. He (some might say ::cough::: Carl :::cough:::) selfishly took it to his grave in 2015. Wife Saver’s owner Ted Goffery was now responsible for pleasing the hungry masses at the Masters. He hit a few bunkers, and lost many a ball to water hazards, but, much like any amateur golfer, Ted found the special touch he was missing and finally knocked a hole in one.
But in 2013 the Augusta Golf Club said, “F U,” to Ted. They were too high-profile to chance using outside vendors anymore, and moved to producing everything in-house. (Some bullshit seeing the winner’s green jacket is produced in Ohio.) Ted offered a recipe trade in exchange for some badges, but his offer was rejected.
This was a sad time for Masters attendees. ESPN’s Wright Thompson is quoted saying, “It’s different. There's definitely more spice, and some think there's more mayo. The consistency has changed, sometimes leaving soggy bread gummed up around a big blob of the spread." Gross.
Ted to the rescue! Ted knew he had something with this one of a kind product and took his pimento cheese to the open market! Now you too can buy Ted’s Famous Augusta Pimento Cheese on the online outfit called Goldbelly. Yup, you really can buy everything on the internet. May we suggest you start with sunglasses?
We’d hate for you to miss out on this marvel, so for all of you viewers at home, level up with this kickass pimento sandwich variation! Let it be known, these green and yellow masters inspired goodr golf sunglasses are great for chef-ing out. You don’t have that authentic green plastic baggy, however these green golf sunglasses are too made of plastic. The main difference: they’re not great at holding or transporting a sandwich.
(The Officially Better Than Augusta) Grilled Cheese Pimento Tomato Chicken Breast Sandwich
Start by making your own Augusta Pimento Cheese or if you’re too busy for all that fuss go online and buy Ted’s...
1 cup Duke’s Mayonnaise
¼ cup seeded and chopped pimento pepper
¼ cup grated sharp white cheddar
1 Tbsp kosher salt
1 tsp onion powder
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp paprika
Pimentón to taste, basic bitches can use hot sauce
Combine in a food processor and process until smooth. Cover and chill. Perhaps take this time to enjoy a beer? A domestic brew goes for $3 bucks at the Masters, possibly the cheapest alcoholic beverage to be found at any sporting event, ever.
1. Spread Pimento on white bread (Wonder Bread if you’re classy like the folks at Augusta)
2. Layer grilled chicken breast, sliced thin, on one side of the sandwich
3. Salt ‘er up
4. Tomato sliced with an extra sharp knife. Watch your fingers, we’re not responsible for any trips to the ER.
Preheat the oven to 300 degrees. Start your creation on one side in a buttered up cast iron pan. Flip and pop the whole pan and sandwich in the oven for 7 minutes. Add more butter and put back on the stove top so the side that has not yet experienced the buttery goodness gets all nice and yummy too.
The way the crust feels will tell you if you’ve reached perfection. Seriously, it’s all about getting that perfectly crispy browning on the outside. When slicing your sandwich, use a serrated knife. Let the knife do the work by sawing through the sandwich, being careful not to compress the sandwich. Yet another chance to cut your finger… DON’T, because that would be painful, and then you won’t be able to enjoy your sandwich as much.
The opportunity to be invited to play at Augusta makes emotion swell up within. If you’ve made this sandwich correctly, this is how you should feel as you bring your creation to your mouth. If you take a bite and feel actual internal swelling, not just emotional swelling, you’re probably allergic to pimentos and should call 911. Warning: This sandwich will cause drooling.