Polarized Sunglasses and Beyond!

At goodr, we’re recklessly committed to fun...blah blah blah, sunglasses. Especially polarized sunglasses. Ah, polarized eyewear, a topic that leads to more polarizing existential questions like, “Does pineapple belong on pizza?”

We’re sorry, did you just ask us if pineapple belongs on pizza? (Or did we ask ourselves? We’re so confused.)

Uhhh, does a bear sh*t in the woods?! Do active sunglasses need polarized lenses?!?!

For the last time, pineapple 100% does belong on pizza and we will fight you to the death on this. Yes, bears sh*t in the woods. And yes, active sunglasses are the perfect application for polarized lenses. DUH.

The Magic of Polarized Lenses

OK yeah, so why are we talking about polarized sunglasses like it's the "Secret Word" on Pee Wee's Playhouse? (AHHHHHHH!!!! We said the SECRET WORDZ: polarized sunglasses!!! Dibs on sitting in Chairy’s lap!!!) The truth is we recently had a very special guest visit our Lagoon headquarters who got us thinking about what polarized sunglasses means to us. No, it wasn’t Pee Wee. We don't want to brag or anything, but our visitor is a famous feline internet celebrity who asked us a plethora of questions when he saw our impressive wall of polarized sunglasses. Luckily for him, Carl the Flamingo has the patience of a saint when discussing polarized eyeglasses. It's only one of his favorite topics of all time!!! It’s “polarized sun lenses” and “polarized lens goggles” and “polarized glass” and “polarised glass sunglasses” all day e’ry day. We told Carl he needs to seek professional help. He threatened to fire us if we didn’t write this. He told us our jobs depended upon cramming as much information about polarized eyewear in here as we could. So here we are. We apologize in advance.

A Lively Polarized Sunglasses Q&A

Our visitor, Captain Meowzipan, asked SO many questions. “Carl, I can has lots of questions about polarized sunglasses? Why polarized sunglasses, Carl? What does polarized mean in sunglasses? Or, what is polarized sunglasses mean? What is polarized sunglasses meaning? What is polarized sunglasses? What is polarized lens? Or, more importantly, what is polarized lenses? Does polarized sunglasses come from the North Pole? Does polarized lenses come from polar bears?! Does polar bears wear polarized sunglasses? Does polar bears eat cats?!?! I can has protection from polar bears?!”

To the hoomans sitting around the office, this succession of questions was super cringe and awkward. It’s like when your friend’s toddler asks you a bajillion questions at brunch and you’re hungover and just want to shove your shrimp toast into their sweet little boogery face so you can get two minutes of peace and quiet. Hey, it’s not your friend’s fault that you’re the only one lucky enough to still be on the Uncle Buck lifestyle plan. Right? Carl was thrilled though because he could share his polarized sunglasses view literally, and figuratively with Captain Meowzipan.

“First of all Captain… There is no need to worry about polar bears here in our fabulous goodr lagoon. This isn’t the island from Lost. Now, THAT was a great show. At least until the final season. Talk about polarizing!!! HAAAA. No pun intended. Second of all. OK, WOW. You ask a LOT of questions. I bet your hooman hates taking you on road trips, huh? No offense. It looks like we're going to be here for a while. Should we order lunch?"

"I can has cheeseburgers, Carl? I can has pineapple, pepperoni pizza?! I can has polarized glass sunglasses?!?!”

“Of course you can! You can has cheeseburgers, you can has pizza, you can has polarized grey sunglasses! Is that offensive? Sorry, I had heard that cats could only see gray and blue. So I assumed you wanted polarized gray sunglasses, but you can choose any color of polarized protective glasses you want!!! Just ignore those signs over there that say you have to do the Truffle Shuffle if you touch the sunglasses wall. I own this place and can do whatever I want!!! And I do. And I have never done the Truffle Shuffle. Try on as many pairs of sunglasses with polarized lenses as you want!!! OK, now that we’ve got that settled, let’s get started on answering some of your questions!!! What is polarized glasses? Or really, what does polarized sunglasses mean?

“It’s obvi you’ve never looked up “polarized definition sunglasses”. Oh jeez, I’m talking like you now. Let’s see, What do polarized lenses do… What are polarized sunglasses… What are polarized lenses…Well, if you’re looking for sunglasses glare reduction, polarized sunglass lenses are fantastic for reducing eye strain and light glare. For that reason, they can improve your vision in super glare-y situations, like when you’re shreddin’ gnar on snowy slopes or executing wheelies on water using a jet ski. Is it still called a wheelie if there aren’t any wheels? But like, we’ve all experienced the frustration of being temporarily blinded by reflected light and glare. It’s like when your team makes the beach volleyball playoffs, and there’s light bouncing off of the oiled up bodies at Muscle Beach, and then the glare causes you to miss the setpoint, and then you have to blow this month’s rent on the alcohol tab for the opposing team. Know what I mean? What do you mean you don’t know what I’m talking about? Don’t famous internet cats play beach volleyball?! Anyhow, polarized lenses reduce glare and this is one of the most important reasons your sunnies should be polarized. Do you understand polarised sunglasses meaning now?”

Big Facts About Our Magical Polarized Lenses

“Carl, how does sunglasses block glare? Why do polaroid sunglasses reduce glare? I still don’t understand what polarised sunglasses means.”

“Sunglasses that aren’t polarized won’t really block glare. That’s why you need polarised eyewear, or better yet polarized sunglasses. You know, like goodr sunglasses!!!

“Carl, that was shameless plug for your polarized sunglass lenses. How important is polarization in sunglasses? Is polarized sunglasses better? Why polarized tinted lenses?!”

“What do you expect when you’re visiting the CEO of a sunglasses company?! I thought cats were supposed to be evil geniuses. No offense. Please don’t kill me. Man, I feel like I’m sticking my foot in my mouth all over the place here. Yes, they’re definitely better for some scenarios because they block glare.” Carl laughed nervously.

“Carl, does polarized glass block polarized glare from my angry ex-talent-agent, Bebe? She can't has my bizness anymore. Carl. Tellz me more about polarized shades. Can polarized eyeglasses protect me from the angry glare of my haterz?”

“No, no, no!!! Not THAT kind of glare!!! You're talking about the kind of glare Carl the Flamingo shoots at people he sees wearing non-goodr sunglasses. Or when they take up two parking spaces at the local swingers club. Just because you’re leaving with multiple people doesn’t mean you deserve multiple spaces. Amirite?! Was I talking about myself in the third person again? Sorry I have a tendency to do that…”

“Carl, what does you mean by glare then?”

“Let me see if I can explain this. So, light will scatter when it bounces at different angles off of an object’s uneven surface. But when the surface is smooth, like a frozen lake or skyscraper’s windows, light reflects at one angle. When this light shines bright like a diamond and reflects right into your peepers, blinding you, this is what we call glare. Polarized sunglasses reduce this glare and solve this problem. goodr sunglasses are a fun, functional, ‘ffordable, fashionable way to reduce glare. Except they, unfortunately, don’t work for blocking the glare from bitter exes and ex-talent-managers.”

“But Carl, how does polarized lenses work?!”

“Polarized lenses have a special chemical applied which filters light. Molecules of the chemical are lined up precisely to block some of the light from passing through the lens. Think about those tacky mini blinds in your first apartment, the ones you keep closed all the time because you’re usually hungover. Oh wait, I’m projecting again. Well, it’s like those blinds. Only the light that passes through the openings is visible. HAAA listen to me, I actually sound like I know what I’m talking about. You really can’t run a sunglasses company if you don’t know these things. Just sayin’.”

Polarized Protective Glasses - Science 'n Stuff

“Carl, I still don’t understandz how do sunglasses eliminate glare?”

“OK, hmmm. On polarized sunglasses, the chemical that filters light creates vertical openings for light. Only the light rays that approach your eyes vertically can fit through those openings. It’s basically like pol lenses are saying, ‘F*ck horizontal light rays!!!’ The polarized lens color blocks all of the horizontal light waves and bright sunlight that are bouncing off a glassy lake or chrome bumper, for example. Thanks to this filtering out of the horizontal light waves, you will be able to see details more easily, and objects will look crisper and more clear!!! Some people even report that polarized lenses give objects an almost 3D appearance. Pretty fancy, huh?”

“So, Carl, are polarized sunglasses good? Why are polarized sunglasses good? Or should I say, goodr?” *snicker snicker*

“Duh!!! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you. Sunglasses with polarised lenses are great!!! Some people who wear pol lenses report that they are less tired than usual after hours of battling the harsh glare bear (the sun). Lots of everyday situations can be improved with polarized sunnies!!! Let me guess, you want specific examples?”

“Yes, Carl, Tellz me more about situations where glass sunglasses polarized makes thingz better. I wantz information on polaroid glasses uses.”

“Ok, I can do that. Uhh, just curious, would you consider taking a grammar class in return for this information?! I kid, I kid. Again, please don’t plot to kill me. Here are some scenarios that are improved by polarized glasses. Or polarized glass if you’re a cyclops. I imagine that since you’re a cat, you enjoy fishing. People, or cats, who fish often find that polarized sunglasses help them see into the water and drastically reduce the glare reflecting off of the H2O’s surface. It probably comes as no surprise then that people who enjoy boating can also benefit from a polarized lens. If you’re driving a boat, polarized lenses can help you see below the surface better, which could be important for safety. Polarized lenses may reduce the eye fatigue caused by eyestrain that is common when staring at the water’s surface all day. Also, do you know that we make special lenses for golfing? Our Flamingo Eye Technology provides polarized glasses perfect for golfing. They’re designed to help you spot the ball easier on the greens compared to golfing without them. We aim to reduce the glare on the fairway while increasing your chances of scoring a Flamingo. If you don’t know this already, it’s not a Bogey, it’s a Flamingo. You’ll also have an easier time spotting golf balls that have accidentally found their way into that murky golf course pond water when you’re wearing polarized lenses. Pro-tip: Don’t submerge your head under that water. No one wants a parasitic brain amoeba. What am I talking about? Cats hate water, right? Oh yeah, polarized glasses are great for a lot of snowy environments too.”

“Interesting Carl. So when is use of polarised sunglasses not good?”

“Good call my feline friend. There are a few instances where use of polarized sunglasses is not good. For example, a polarized lens material can interfere when you’re looking at LCD (liquid crystal display) screens. So they may be a very bad idea if you have LCD car dashboard controls, or if you’re using an ATM machine, using a cell phone, and some digital watches. Also, even though we offer our aviation-themed Mach G sunnies with polarized lenses, you should not be wearing them when flying an actual plane!!! Side note, we’re not responsible if you fly into the Bermuda Triangle and are lost forever because you didn’t heed our warning to not wear polarized lenses while flying a plane and then end up misreading your instrument panel because you were desperate to look stylish!!!”

“Carl, you said a lot of bad things about glare today. Nothing is 100% good or badz, right? Is glare ever good?”

“First of all. F*ck glare. I’ve built an entire empire trying to combat it after I totaled my ’87 Ferrari Testarossa when the glare from Christie Brinkley’s perfect white smile and glossy lips caused me to crash when I spotted her at an intersection in Hollywood back in ’89. But you’re right, sometimes glare can be good. It can help you spot ice patches on the road while driving or while skiing. That’s about the only good thing I can say about it though.”

Sunblock for Your Eyeballs

“I’m still confused about something, Carl… Does polarized and UV protection mean the same thing?”

“Oooooh, that’s a great question! UV blocking and polarization are two completely different things! UV protection or UV blocking is NOT the same as polarized or polarization. goodr glasses offer full UV 400 protection. UV 400 means that the lenses provide nearly 100% protection from harmful ultraviolet light rays, blocking wavelengths up to 400 nanometers, including harmful UV rays. Polarization is different, as I have already described earlier. Almost all of goodr’s sunglasses are polarized. If you’re not sure, you can always reach out to one of our Customer Service Parrots to inquire about a specific pair. It will also show you on the product display page on goodr.com if they’re polarized.”

“So Carl, seeing as how I have secretly recorded this entire conversation in hopes of publishing it on my podcast, I will give you another opportunity to shamelessly plug your business. How to buy polarized sunglasses, Carl?”

“Is this a joke?! Are you really asking ME about buying polarized sunglasses? Never mind, I can see that you’re serious. goodr.com is the only place I would recommend buying polarized sunglasses. (and you receive free shipping on orders of $50+!) But I am incredibly biased. So, do you have any other questions for me now that our cheezburgers have gotten cold and congealed?”

“Yes. Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?”

“HAAAA. Why you no good, furry sonofabitch...Your mom loves my wardrobe. And my polarised glass lens sunglasses. She says they make everything look bigger. Bet from now on she wants all her ​​eyewear polarized.”