Whoop Ass Can Opener
LIMITED EDITION: BEAST BARBELL
With wider frames, longer arms, and bigger lenses than our OGs, these babies are designed to complement and fit beasters with larger melons.
BIGGER FRAMES, BETTER COVERAGE.
1 NO SLIP
A larger frame size with more lens coverage for all you beasts with gargantuan craniums the size of sputnik.
2 NO BOUNCE
Lighter and more durable frame material that eliminates bouncing even with a bigger frame.
3 ALL POLARIZED
Glare-reducing, polarized lenses and UV400 protection that blocks 100% of those harmful UVA and UVB rays.
4 REFLECTIVE LENSES
Mirrored lenses to obscure the sinister look in your eyes without losing the ability to clearly see obstacles in bright light.
5 NO DEMOGORGANS
100% Guarantee against Demogorgon attacks. *Guarantee not applicable for any gainz taking place in the Upside Down.
The sunglasses are a can opener. You're a can. The whoop-ass is the soda. When you move around, you create tiny CO2 bubbles in the whoop-ass, like shaking a can creates tiny CO2 bubbles in the soda. Putting on these sunnies is like opening that can. PSSSHHH! BOOM! The whoop-ass spirit EXPLODES, so you can CRUSH IT!!! This metaphor is 100% perfect and will win many awards. You're welcome.READ THE ORIGIN STORY
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