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10 SYMPTOMS OF SIDE SCROLL EYE ROLL DISEASE

If you play side-scrolling video games, then you are at high risk for contracting Side Scroll Eye Roll Disease. Here are 10 common symptoms:

  1. Your eyes constantly roll from left to right, no matter how much you fight against it.
  2. You feel an overwhelming desire to take mushrooms and jump in a sewer pipe.
  3. You hallucinate an anthropomorphic fox with two tails who JUST. WON’T. GO. AWAY.
  4. You think turning sideways makes you invisible.
  5. You feel like you peaked in the 90s and no one really cares about you these days.
  6. You insist everyone address you as “Alucard.” Then you start giggling and sputter “Get it? Get it?!?!?! Read it backwards!!!!! Ha ha ha! Hee hee hee!”
  7. You start walking like a gorilla and develop a crippling addiction to bananas. There’s nothing you won’t do for a banana. Nothing.
  8. While speaking to others, you stop mid-sentence, hold up a sign that says “Insert Coin To Continue” and open your mouth.
  9. You smell just like an explorer who spends all of his time in maze-like jungles swinging on vines over pits, quicksand and crocodiles.
  10. You do not own Side Scroll Eye Roll sunglasses. Because Side Scroll Eye Roll Eye sunglasses cure Side Scroll Eye Roll Disease. Ask any scientist. Actually, no, don’t. Don’t talk to anyone. Just believe everything you read on the Internet and don’t think about it. YOU HAVE NO WILL OF YOUR OWN.
  11. white and purple polarized sunglasses

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