CREEPY TOWNSPEOPLE INSIST VISITING FAMILY EAT MYSTERIOUS PUMPKIN-SPICED FOOD
Tired of city life, Alvin Gammell took his family on vacation in the rural community Ecip Snikpmup. However, creepy townspeople repeatedly accosted them, insisting they eat mysterious pumpkin-spiced food. The eldritch cuisine includes pumpkin-spiced coffee, pumpkin-spiced beer, pumpkin-spiced spam, pumpkin-spiced hummus and pumpkin-spiced ice cream.
“I don’t know why they won’t eat our delicious food,” said Sheriff Gary Monster. “It’s just normal food. It’s not poison that will mutate you into a pumpkin so shape-shifting pumpkintarian demons posing as townspeople can eat you. That’s ridiculous. Now eat up, Gammel family. Eat! Eat Eat!” He then put on Pumpkin Spice Nightmare Halloween glasses and laughed maniacally for five minutes.
Despite Sheriff Monster’s assurances, the Gammells refuse to eat the fare. “The ghost of my dead grandpa appeared in the mirror and warned me,” said 10-year-old Neil Gammell. “He said the townspeople are really shapeshifting pumpkintarian demons that turn visitors into pumpkins and eat them. Also, Grandpa said he was in Hell. So that’s kind of a bummer. Not surprised, though.”
In a desperate attempt to stop his family from eating, Neil climbed on the dinner table and peed on everyone’s plates. This upset every family member except mother Mary Gammell, who’s sick of pumpkin-spiced food. “It’s too much of a good thing,” explained Mrs. Gammell. “And it’s dumb. Pumpkin is not even in pumpkin spice! It’s cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves. I’m sooo over it.”
On their first night in town, rebellious teenager Holly Gammell sneaked out of the house to visit her boyfriend, Edgar Stine. Stine followed the Gammells to Ecip Snikpmup in his camper, hoping to snag intimate time with his girlfriend. However, he bought mysterious pumpkin-spiced food in town and turned into a horrifying pumpkinoid before Holly’s eyes, totally spoiling the mood.
“I thought we were, like, finally going to do it,” complained Holly. “But then, like, he started screaming, and his skin turned orange, and ribbed, and a stem sprouted out of his head, and a bunch of townspeople with knives burst in and cut him open and feasted on his pulpy insides. I was like, ‘They’re eating him. And then they’re going to eat me. Oh my Goooood!’ I can’t even.”
Currently Sheriff Monster and 50 deranged townspeople surround the Gammels’ rental home, wielding spears and torches, chanting “Eat! Eat! Eat!” The family expects to make a break for it soon. “I wish we never came to Ecip Snikpmup!” wailed Alvin, while looking at the reflection of the town sign in a mirror. “Wait a second. Ecip Snikpmup. It’s pumpkin spice spelled backwards!”
DISCLAIMER: Any resemblance to fictitious persons or entities, particularly from the film Troll 2, is purely coincidental. All characters appearing in this work are fictitious and definitely not a parody of the film Troll 2. Any resemblance to Troll 2 is purely coincidental. Just like children’s author and toxic transphobe JK Rowling created Harry Potter 11 years after the 1986 film Troll, which prominently featured a character named Harry Potter.