-
ORIGIN STORIES
- VRGs
- NAEON FLUX CAPACITOR
- VOIGHT-KAMPFF VISION
- SEE YOU AT THE PARTY, RICHTER
- MACH Gs
- AMELIA EARHART GHOSTED ME
- BUZZED ON THE TOWER
- CAPTAIN BLUNT'S RED-EYE
- FREQUENT SKYMALL SHOPPERS
- KITTY HAWKERS' RAY BLOCKERS
- OPERATION: BLACKOUT
- OGs
- SUNNIES WITH A CHANCE OF SPRINKLES
- THE PASSION OF THE CRUST
- IT'S TUESDAY SOMEWHERE
- WE HAD LIGHTS FIRST
- NAKATOMI TOWER CHRISTMAS PARTY
- WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA
- PROFESSIONAL RESPAWNER
- SIDE SCROLL EYE ROLL
- MODERN DAY SNAKE OIL
- BLUE SHADES OF DEATH
- ELECTRIC DINOTOPIA CARNIVAL
- SILVERBACK SQUAT MOBILITY
- THE EMPIRE DID NOTHING WRONG
- 50 SHADES OF GRAVY
- PUMPKIN SPICE NIGHTMARE
- CHICAGO VS. NYC RAP BATTLE
- PARTY LIKE A FLOCKSTAR
- THESE SHADES ARE TRASH
- PBR EYE CANDY
- PABST O’CLOCK
- PIBBER-MOUFLAGE
- SUCK IT, KING GEORGE
- SORRY, NOT SORRY (BUT ACTUALLY SORRY)
- FLAMINGOS WIN MAJORS
- LGBTQ+AF
- CAN I TIKI YOUR FANCY?
- MASTER OF FLAMINGOS
- DOWN TO FIESTA
- BFGs
- IT'S NOT JUST A GAME
- MINT JULEP ELECTROSHOCKS
- DO YOU EVEN PISTOL, FLAMINGO?
- RUNWAYS
- RAGE QUIT IT AND HIT IT
- FRESHLY PICKED CERULEAN
- GINGHAM IS SOOO LAST SEASON
- HAUTE DAY IN HELL
- VEGAN FRIENDLY COUTURE
- CHIPS AND SIPS
- FAST AS SHELL
- SUPER FLYS
- DIRK'S INFLATION STATION
- CIRCLE Gs
- INSERT COIN TO CONTINUE
- FRESHLY BAKED MAN BUNS
- INFLUENCERS PAY DOUBLE
- I PICKLED THESE MYSELF
- MIDNIGHT RAMBLE AT THE CIRCLE BAR
- NINE DOLLAR POUR OVER
- STRANGE THINGS ARE AFOOT AT THE CIRCLE G
-
SPORTS
- IN THE WILD
- OFFICIAL SUNGLASS PARTNER OF USA WEIGHTLIFTING
- WE'RE AN AVATAR
- GOODR UP YOUR GAME WITH ANIMAL CROSSING PATTERNS
- ON THE FENCE ABOUT SPIN CLASS!?
- PEDICABS IN NYC
- FLAMBOYANCE
- A GOODR WEDDING
- A CHAT WITH ALEXI PAPPAS
- RACE RECAPS
- CARL'S TOUR DE FRANCE RECAP 2020
- SPEED PROJECT 2019
- TIPS & TRICKS
- RUNNING WHILE HIGH
- IT'S NOT A BOGEY, IT'S A FLAMINGO
-
SHENANIGANS
- IN THE PRESS
- CARL'S ANTI-RESOLUTIONS 2021
- THE FUTURE IS VRG
- ROLLING STONES HOT LIPS
- INTRODUCING GAME GOODR
- GAME GOODR PARTNERS WITH CLG
- WONDER WOMAN SEQUEL
- NEW CATEYE SUNGLASSES
- POW! BAM! BATMAN SUNGLASSES!
- GOODR PARTNERS WITH PABST BLUE RIBBON
- WONDER WOMAN 1984 SUNGLASSES
- GOODR RELEASES AVIATORS
- RUNNER'S WORLD GEAR OF THE YEAR
- CARL'S INNER CIRCLE
- goodr GIVES BACK
- JUST FLOCKING VOTE
- BLACK LIVES MATTER
- GOODR x 1% FOR THE PLANET RECYCLED SUNGLASSES
- BRAVE LIKE GABE
- SOCAL SPECIAL OLYMPICS COLLAB
- SUNGLASSES ON THE FRONTLINE
- 100% CARBON NEUTRAL
- BREAKING SILENCE 2019
- BREAKING SILENCE 2020
- FUN
- GIFT GUIDE
- SOLVE FOR $6.66 OFF!
- BEHIND THE DREAMS: THE CIRCLING
- CARL AND HIS IDIOT COUSIN TEDDY
- DUST OFF YOUR LIBRARY CARD
- WHO IS CRAZY EDDY?
- DEEP DIVE
- ARE BLUE BLOCKERS A BLUE MIRAGE?
- THE BEST RUNNING SUNGLASSES GUIDE ON THE ENTIRE INTERNET
- WHY YOU NEED ORANGE SUNGLASSES
- COMPANY CULTURE WHILE WORKING REMOTELY
- GET TRENDY WITH OUR NEW HIPSTER SUNGLASSES
- THE BEST WOMEN’S SUNGLASSES
- BEST GOLF SUNGLASSES
- BEST SUNGLASSES FOR MEN
- NEON SUNGLASSES
- THE BEST PINK SUNGLASSES
- CULTURE
PROFESSIONAL RESPAWNER
PROFESSIONAL RESPAWNER COVER LETTER
Dear Hiring Manager,
As an impatient gamer who rushes into battles without any real plan, and a stubborn perfectionist who intentionally dies after making the slightest mistake, I am uniquely qualified for the position of Professional Respawner.
During my 20+ years of gaming, I’ve developed exceptional communication skills. While respawning, I tell everyone, “Fuck, I’ve got to respawn,” or “Shit, I died.” I also think outside the box, respawning without telling anyone, “Fuck, I’ve got to respawn,” or “Shit, I died.” And when game developers try to put in hurdles to make it more difficult for players to respawn, I respawn harder and faster than ever before.
This is exactly the kind of role I’m looking for. I respawn well independently, and as part of a team. If you contact my references, you’ll hear several angry rants about how respawning is “the only fucking thing [I know] how to do.” That is true. Respawning is my life. It’s why I’ve been divorced nine times (soon to be ten!). It’s also why I recorded “Respawn Song,” a timely parody of Sisqo’s “Thong Song.” As of this writing, it has 371 views on YouTube.
Thank you for your time and for considering me for the position. My resume is attached. If I do not hear from you in 24 hours, I will kill this application and respawn a new one. And if I do not hear from you after that, the cycle will repeat, again and again, forever.
Sincerely,
The Respawn Don
(aka First Respawnder)
555-RES-PAWN
thatrespawnspspawnspawnspawn@hotmail.com
