POWER OF VOODOO. WHO DO? YOU DO.
“LABYRINTH” REBOOT GREENLIT STARRING JUSTIN BIEBER AND BHAD BHABIE
Sony Pictures has greenlit a reboot of Labyrinth, the 1986 musical-comedy directed by Muppets mastermind Jim Henson. The original movie starred a 15-year-old Jennifer Connelly as Sarah, who embarks on a quest to rescue her baby brother Toby from The Goblin King Jareth, played by David Bowie. Bowie recorded five new songs for the film.
The “soft reboot” will star 17-year-old Danielle Bregoli, best known as rapper Bhad Bhabie and “The Cash Me Ousside Girl” from Dr. Phil. Bregoli will play Sadie, Toby’s daughter, who embarks on a quest to rescue her baby brother Toby, Jr., from The Goblin King Jareth Jr., played by Justin Bieber. Bieber will record 18 new songs for the film.
“I’m very, very excited to make a freaking movie,” said Bieber. “‘I’m going to watch the original one for sure, when I get time. Not super familiar with David Bowie ‘cause I didn’t watch The X-Files. But I love that dude. He can, like, totally have a cameo.”
Roland Emmerich, the disaster auteur behind Independence Day: Resurgence, 10,000 B.C. and The Day After Tomorrow, will direct the film. Unlike the original Labyrinth, the reboot will be shot entirely in a greenscreen studio, using state-of-the-art CGI instead of handcrafted puppets from The Jim Henson Creature Shop.
“Jim Henson was good for his time,” said Emmerich. “But so were VCR’s, pagers and vinyl records. This dusty franchise desperately needs an update. With CGI, you can do all sorts of things you can’t do with puppets. My film is bigger and better in every way.”
Sony granted the “dark and gritty” reboot a budget of $200 million, nearly ten times the original’s budget of $25 million. Carlos Mencia, creator of the 2005-2008 Comedy Central sketch comedy series Mind of Mencia, will write the screenplay, taking over for the late Terry Jones from Monty Python.
According to Sony executive producer Raglan Chimeloft, none of the original Labyrinth actors will return, and Bhad Bhabie will collaborate with Justin Bieber on 9 of the 18 new songs. “We’re extremely excited to see what Biebs and Bhabie create,” said Chimeloft. “They’re like the 2020 version of Bowie and Blondie.”
The reboot, entitled Labyrinth: The Day of Reckoning, is planned to be the first in a trilogy, and will hit theaters in the seventh circle of Hell late next year. When asked for comment, Bregoli put on her “Power of Voodoo. Who Do? You Do” goodr polarized sunglasses and said, “Cash me in the labyrinth, howbow dah?”