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“I got lost in transition between swimming and cycling. I couldn’t remember where the f*** I left my bike. I was, like, really panicking, brah. Luckily, I still had my phone. So, I ordered a new bike on Babylon Prime and a drone brought me one from space. The CEO of Babylon recently went to space, and opened hundreds of floating Babylon Prime stores. They all passed his inspection, because he has rock bottom standards for employee wages and working conditions. So, the good news is, I bought a bike instantly and finished the triathlon! And the bad news is, the triathlon is over and I have to go back to my sh*tty job at one of the Babylon Prime factories in space. I make $0.40 an hour and we work 12-hour shifts without breaks and I have to wear a diaper. Although by now I’ve kind of gotten used to the diaper. I actually missed it during the triathlon.” -- Marghan Kanelope

“Between cycling and running. That’s where I got lost in transition. It was, like, soooo bad. I was, like, totally panicking. I ran in a random direction, then all of a sudden, I’m at the bottom of a volcano. I think, okay, that’s gotta be right, let’s make it to the top. So I run to the top of the volcano, and it’s hot af, right? And there’s no one there. It’s just me, standing on the edge of the volcano’s lip gazing into a steaming crimson abyss. BOOM! There’s a rumble, and a horrifying shape rises out of the lava, a liquid ghost demon, screaming, ‘WHO HAST DISTURBED MY SLUMBER?!’ I said, ‘Me, Forgle Pockruffin.’ He said, ‘Forgle Pockruffin, I am Xpetackock, the Lava God. You may ask me one question, about anything, from the meaning of life to what happens after death.’ I asked, ‘Is cycling bad for your balls?’ He went on to give a 1hr presentation about how cycling affects testicles. It was VERY educational. The short answer is, yes, and no. It’s complicated. Thanks, Xpetackock!” - Forgle Pockruffin

“Me?! You talking to me?! FINE! I GOT LOST IN TRANSITION BETWEEN RUNNING AND SWIMMING! IT SUCKED! See, I got ‘runner’s high’, and started to hallucinate. All of a sudden, I’m running on a rainbow road, lined with sparkling elves riding atop neon unicorns. OCEAN?! I didn’t see any ocean. I just saw a chocolate geyser. It was glorious. The spurts! Anyways, I says to the sparkling elves, ‘Elves! Where do I go to swim?’ They said,’Jump into the chocolate, hairy dreamer.’ So, I waited for a gap in the chocolate spurting and jumped into the geyser hole. BAM! I black out. One hour later, I wake up. Turns out I jumped into the hole at an outhouse. But I didn’t let that stop me!!!! I hollered for help, climbed outta the poo pit, completed the swimming, completed the cycling, and sold my story to Shocking But True Bike Tales Magazine. That weird-ass company goodr even made a pair of sunglasses inspired by me! Called Lost In Transition. NOW F*** OFF!” - Grundy Beckelstone


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