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goodrTIMES

AN OPEN LETTER TO ELON MUSK TO MAKE AN ARCADE GAME-INSPIRED CAR

Dear Elon Musk,

We know you’re busy recording terrible EDM songs and getting high with Joe Rogan, but we were wondering if you could take a teensy bit of time out of your schedule to work on a special project for us: An arcade game inspired car. (Or “carcade,” if you will.)

Here’s all the ideas we have so far:

  • The car is coin-operated, not gas operated. So every time it dies, an “insert coin to continue” screen appears on the windshield. And there’s one of those red 25¢ slots.
  • The horn has five options: Pac-Man’s Wakka Wakka, Mario’s power up noise, Ryu’s “HADOUKEN!,” the dog laugh from Duck Hunt and Mega Man's death sound.
  • A trunk that shoots green shells and red shells, but not blue shells, because blue shells were created by The Devil
  • Looks just like the roofless red Ferrari Testarossa Spider from Outrun and operates just like the cars in San Francisco Rush
  • Passengers can play Tetris on the side windows, Donkey Kong on the seat backs, Space Invaders on the dashboard, and The House Of The Dead on the windshield, don’t worry, the car drives itself -- LIKE ALL CARS SHOULD RIGHT NOW WTF
  • Interior smells like sweat, soda, particleboard, popcorn, burnt pizza and stale cigarette smoke
  • Car only starts for drivers wearing Insert Coin to Continue blue blocker glasses.
  •  

    We thought you’d be the perfect person for this, Musky, because you make electric cars and send them into space as a statement against how expensive parking lots are. Anyways, make it, because we all bought your flamethrowers and we’re surrounding your house.

    K THX BYE,

    All employees at goodr

    P.S. Stop making music

    tortoiseshell blue blocker glasses

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