Add $50 for Free Shipping CONGRATULATIONS! You got free shipping!

Shipping, taxes, & discounts calculated at checkout

FREE U.S. Standard Shipping on Orders $50+


Actual post spotted on Craigslist Missed Connections…



You were Pomeranian, or Pekingese, or something weird. I met you in the bathroom of a Kmart right off the 405 and we made out for hours. You had a breathtaking hiney and buttery blonde hair. You told me that there were literally thousands of men that you should be with instead of me, but that you were already 72% sure that you were in love with me.

I was feeling like the epitome of suave (even though I was sort of having a bad day, but we’ll get to that in a minute). I had just musked up with my Blackbeard’s Delight cologne. I was dressed in my best suit from the finest I-talian men’s store in San Diego (fun fact:  that means whale’s vagina).

Things went south when you asked me if I got my clothes from the toilet store. I’m sorry that I told you to go back to your home on whore island and threatened to punch you in the ovary. (Sweet Lincoln’s Mullet how that secretly turned me ON!!!)

I was vulnerable, baby!! I didn’t mean it. I didn’t want to put a damper on the mood, but someone had thrown my best friend and canine soulmate, Baxter, off a freeway overpass earlier that day. I just wasn’t myself. I was in a glass case of emotion, baby! 

By the beard of Zeus, I will make this up to you!!! Connections like ours happen what, 15-20 times in a lifetime?! 

This Friday 9pm, please meet me at Escupimos en su Alimento. I’ll give you a one way ticket to Pleasure Town. I’ll be the one sipping a glass of milk at the bar. Pretty sure I’m wearing burgundy? Hope to see you then. 

P.S. If I never see you again, I just want to say...stay classy!


Fade-Er-Ade Shades Origin Story

Haders gon hate! Check out these 3 Batsh*t crazy emails about Fade-Er-Ade shades from haders. Loose the long winded words...

Tropical Opticals

A new line of shades perfect for boozy beach vacations you barely remember. (Don’t panic, just take lots of photos and videos...

Flamingos Win Majors Origin Story

Everyone knows that “bogey” is a stupid word and if you use it, you’re stupid too. Literally nothing good starts...