PICK YOUR FAVORITE SHADE OF BLUE AND WE’LL TELL YOUR FORTUNE
BEHOLD... YOUR FUTURE...
1. Azure. An old friend will come back into your life and give you a hug. Unfortunately, that old friend is now a zombie, and they’re eating your face. RUN.
2. Cobalt. Your ship will come in today -- a spaceship full of curious aliens. To make a long story short, it’s going to be hard to walk tomorrow.
3. Turquoise. You will turn over a new leaf, and a loud booming voice from the sky will scream, “DON’T TOUCH THAT! PUT IT BACK!! BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!” It is too late.
4. Navy. You will make a joke about intellectual property owned by a multi-media conglomerate and get sentenced to 40 years of manual labor in the coal mines.
5. Cornflower. You will embrace the unexpected, as a spider lays eggs in your ear while you’re sleeping and the baby spiders crawl into your brain and start f***ing sh*t up.
6. Electric. You will decide to be totally authentic, although few people at your cousin’s Bar Mitzvah will appreciate that you showed up bareass naked.
7. Tiffany. You will throw away everything that doesn’t spark joy -- but come dinner, you’ll wish you had teeth.
8. Midnight. You will deepen a bond with a loved one, but they will not appreciate the surprise conjoination surgery.
9. Cerulean. You will put on stylish Freshly Picked Cerulean sunglasses and discover happiness lies in feeling every second of every moment. Also, you win the lottery.