-
ORIGIN STORIES
- VRGs
- THE FUTURE IS VOID
- NAEON FLUX CAPACITOR
- VOIGHT-KAMPFF VISION
- SEE YOU AT THE PARTY, RICHTER
- MACH Gs
- CLUBHOUSE CLOSEOUT
- TALES FROM THE GREENSKEEPER
- AMELIA EARHART GHOSTED ME
- BUZZED ON THE TOWER
- CAPTAIN BLUNT'S RED-EYE
- FREQUENT SKYMALL SHOPPERS
- KITTY HAWKERS' RAY BLOCKERS
- OPERATION: BLACKOUT
- OGs
- A GINGER'S SOUL
- DON'T FLOCK WITH A FLAMINGO
- WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA WAKKA
- PROFESSIONAL RESPAWNER
- SIDE SCROLL EYE ROLL
- MODERN DAY SNAKE OIL
- BLUE SHADES OF DEATH
- ELECTRIC DINOTOPIA CARNIVAL
- SILVERBACK SQUAT MOBILITY
- THESE SHADES ARE TRASH
- DON'T TAB SHAME ME
- LOST IN TRANSITION
- BFGs
- HOOKED ON ONYX
- IT'S NOT JUST A GAME
- CITRON+ALT+DELETE
- MINT JULEP ELECTROSHOCKS
- DO YOU EVEN PISTOL, FLAMINGO?
- RUNWAYS
- WORKIN' IT FROM HOME
- MARY QUEEN OF GOLF
- RAGE QUIT IT AND HIT IT
- GINGHAM IS SOOO LAST SEASON
- HAUTE DAY IN HELL
- VEGAN FRIENDLY COUTURE
- FAST AS SHELL
- CIRCLE Gs
- FADE-ER-ADE SHADES
- I'M WEARING BURGUNDY
- IT'S NOT BLACK, IT'S OBSIDIAN
- INSERT COIN TO CONTINUE
- FRESHLY BAKED MAN BUNS
- INFLUENCERS PAY DOUBLE
- I PICKLED THESE MYSELF
- MIDNIGHT RAMBLE AT THE CIRCLE BAR
- NINE DOLLAR POUR OVER
- STRANGE THINGS ARE AFOOT AT THE CIRCLE G
- STOP, DROP AND SCROLL
- BODHI'S ULTIMATE WAVE
-
SPORTS
- IN THE WILD
- RUNNING [WITH A DONKEY] IS FUN?
- YOUR BEST RUNNING FRIEND
- THIS IS A GAMER
- FASTEST KNOWN TIME OR FUNNEST KNOWN TIME
- LIVING MY BEST LIFE BEING A MOM FIRST
- WHAT WE TALK ABOUT WHEN NOT TALKING ABOUT RUNNING
- ANIMAL CROSSING ISLAND
- WHAT THE HELL IS A BEAST?
- OFFICIAL SUNGLASSES OF THE OCR WORLD CHAMPIONSHIPS
- SATURDAY MORNING IN THE GRAND CANYON
- A BLIND BEAST KNOWS NO BOUNDARIES
- RUNNING THE BARKLEY IS FUN?
- BIG CAT BADASS
- BUT FIRST HAPPINESS
- LOS PADRES TRAVERSE FKT
- JAVELINA JUNDRED RACE RECAP
- OFFICIAL SUNGLASS PARTNER OF USA WEIGHTLIFTING
- WE'RE AN AVATAR
- GOODR UP YOUR GAME WITH ANIMAL CROSSING PATTERNS
- ON THE FENCE ABOUT SPIN CLASS!?
- PEDICABS IN NYC
- FLAMBOYANCE
- GOODR STAFF DEBUNK THE GAMER STIGMA
- CLG & FRENDZ DEBUNK THE GAMER STIGMA
- THE FLAMBOYANCE DEBUNKS THE GAMER STIGMA
- A GOODR WEDDING
- A CHAT WITH ALEXI PAPPAS
- RACE RECAPS
- IT'S OKAY TO HATE VIRTUAL RACES
- CARL'S TOUR DE FRANCE RECAP 2020
- SPEED PROJECT 2019
- TIPS & TRICKS
- RUNNING WHILE HIGH
- IT'S NOT A BOGEY, IT'S A FLAMINGO
-
SHENANIGANS
- IN THE PRESS
- A TALE OF THE GOODR CABANA
- GOODR x REEBOK
- PARTNERING WITH BIGGEST ESPORTS ARENA IN NORTH AMERICA!
- SEASON 03 OF CULTURE GOODR IS OUT
- YOU HAD ME AT DUNKIN'
- TROPICAL OPTICALS
- THE ROLLING STONES X COSMIC CRYSTALS
- COSMIC CRYSTALS
- GOODR REWIND
- THE ROLLING STONES ALBUM SERIES
- THE FUTURE IS VRG
- ROLLING STONES HOT LIPS
- INTRODUCING GAME GOODR
- GAME GOODR PARTNERS WITH CLG
- WONDER WOMAN SEQUEL
- NEW CATEYE SUNGLASSES
- POW! BAM! BATMAN SUNGLASSES!
- GOODR PARTNERS WITH PABST BLUE RIBBON
- WONDER WOMAN 1984 SUNGLASSES
- GOODR RELEASES AVIATORS
- RUNNER'S WORLD GEAR OF THE YEAR
- CARL'S INNER CIRCLE
- goodr GIVES BACK
- GOODR x DENVER ZOO
- JUST FLOCKING VOTE
- BLACK LIVES MATTER
- GOODR x 1% FOR THE PLANET RECYCLED SUNGLASSES
- BRAVE LIKE GABE
- SOCAL SPECIAL OLYMPICS COLLAB
- SUNGLASSES ON THE FRONTLINE
- 100% CARBON NEUTRAL
- BREAKING SILENCE 2019
- BREAKING SILENCE 2020
- BREAKING SILENCE 2021
- FUN
- GIFT GUIDE
- BEHIND THE DREAMS: THE CIRCLING
- CARL AND HIS IDIOT COUSIN TEDDY
- DUST OFF YOUR LIBRARY CARD
- DEEP DIVE
- ARE BLUE BLOCKERS A BLUE MIRAGE?
- THE BEST RUNNING SUNGLASSES GUIDE ON THE ENTIRE INTERNET
- WHY YOU NEED ORANGE SUNGLASSES
- COMPANY CULTURE WHILE WORKING REMOTELY
- GET TRENDY WITH OUR NEW HIPSTER SUNGLASSES
- THE BEST WOMEN’S SUNGLASSES
- BEST GOLF SUNGLASSES
- BEST SUNGLASSES FOR MEN
- NEON SUNGLASSES
- THE BEST PINK SUNGLASSES
-
CULTURE
- CULTURE GOODR PODCAST
- S03E01
- S03E02
- S03E03
- S03E04
- S03E05
- S03E06
- S03E07
- S03E08
- S03E09
- S03E10
- S03E11
- S03E12
- S03E13
- S03E14
- S03E15
- S03E16
- S03E17
- S03E18
- S03E19
- S02E01
- S02E02
- S02E03
- S02E04
- S02E05
- S02E06
- S02E07
- S02E08
- S02E09
- S02E10
- BONUS EPISODE 01
- BONUS EPISODE 02
- BONUS EPISODE 03
- BONUS EPISODE 04
- BONUS EPISODE 05
- REMIX SERIES 01
- REMIX SERIES 02
- REMIX SERIES 03
- REMIX SERIES 04
- REMIX SERIES 05
- REMIX SERIES 06
- REMIX SERIES 07
- S01E01
- S01E02
- BLACKOUT TUESDAY
- S01E03
- S01E04
- S01E05
FREQUENT SKYMALL SHOPPERS
A VERY SKYMALL CHRISTMAS
Jayden and Kayla woke up Christmas morning
And ran to their gifts with elation
That faded when they read a jaded note warning:
“Please lower your damn expectations.”
“My elves went on strike, and they make the toys,
I was so mad I punched my wall.
But then I found a magazine and rejoiced --
Here’s some crap from Skymall.”
Jayden hoped that what Santa wrote wasn’t true
And his presents would be super neat
But no, he got a Yeti garden statue
And a glow-in-the-dark toilet seat
As for Kayla, she felt overwhelming despair
The presents made her want to cry
She got a laser helmet for regrowing hair
And a watch saying what time she’ll die
“But wait,” said Jayden. “Let’s go check our stockings!
They might have treats or toy soldiers!”
But the offerings inside the stockings were shocking:
Dog lips and umbrella holders.
“Damnit!” said Kayla. “This year is so fucked!”
And just when she was at her maddest,
Jayden found two gifts hiding by the sofa:
Frequent Skymall Shoppers sunglasses
The note said “To Jayden and Kayla from C.,
A flamingo who loves to drink beer
Here’s sunnies, good buddies! Do one thing for me,
Be extremely naughty next year.”

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