This is eddy.
Our avian CEO, Carl the Flamingo, sat down with Crazy Eddy for a little Q&A. We figured it was about time to get to know this freakshow.
Carl: What’s your role?
Crazy Eddy: Around the office they call me Trashman.
Carl: What planet are you from?
Crazy Eddy: Planet Trash. It’s like pluto, not really a planet, frozen over like my soul, and just complete garbage.
Carl: Describe your ideal living room.
Crazy Eddy: I find old boxes really comfortable. Old ketchup stains warm my heart. I could lick them all day. It’s KETCHUP, not CATSUP. Who started that anyways!?
Carl: What do you think of garden gnomes?
Crazy Eddy: Da fuk kind of question is that?
Carl: What’s your Enneagram type?
Crazy Eddy: I’m at Type 4. Clearly an expressive, emotional, and creative individual that is deeply committed to authenticity. Hence why I CHOOSE to live in a dumpster. If you haven’t heard of the Enneagram you should probably listen to this episode of the CULTURE goodr podcast while you’re shopping. Yes, some whacko Chief Publishing Pelican threatened me to make this plug.
Carl: Favorite band in Middle School?
Crazy Eddy: Garbage. Carl, really disappointed you even had to ask.
Carl: Favorite color socks?
Crazy Eddy: I’m a possum. I don’t wear socks. And if I did I would’ve eaten them by now. Oh actually, yeah, that’s right, Grammy Eddy gave me these noice socks for National Garbage Day (that’s like our Christmas). They were blue with green stripes. Ate those fuckers right off my feet.
Carl: If you had a hairless cat, what would you name it?
Crazy Eddy: Rupert, obviously.
Carl: If you could have any superpower what would it be?
Crazy Eddy: The ability to eat more trash than I already do.
Carl: What was your most memorable purchase in the past 2 months?
Crazy Eddy: Fool, I don’t have money, trash is free yo. But I almost bought one of those grabber-claw thingies so I could pull garbage out of the neighboring dumpster without having to go so deep. The rats live in that one and when they attack in groups it’s not pretty.
There you have it... As crazy as we all thought.
With Crazy Eddy on our team who knows what is next in store...